Here is where I strip,

Happy V Day

2012-02-13T08:11:00.001-08:00

Hello! Hope all of you will enjoy your Valentine's Day and... STUFF yourself with good food! Hehehehe.

2012-02-12T11:39:00.001-08:00

3am. Lying in my bed in complete darkness except for the light from the screen of my iPhone.

iPhone.

iPhone.

I love saying that word. I'm going to sound very trivial but one of the best things that happened in 2011 was receiving an iPhone from my Uncle.I
used to be your skeptical anti-iPhone person, but ever since I got it, I've been loving it because it is SO GOOD to use. Guess friends were right when they said that you will never want to use another phone again after using an iPhone. But then there's the BB fanatics.... Hmm.

I could go on and on about my love for my phone, how in touch I feel with the world because as cliche as it sounds, everything is at my fingertips. I get my news, messages, status updates, videos, pictures, tweets....all from this tiny black chocolate bar lookalike piece of.....gadget. Amazing. And it feels like just a few months back, I was crying and begging my father to get me a phone.... Which he adamantly refused for years.....until he finally relented and got me a (terrible) Siemens phone. Hahaha even the name sounds ancient.

But looking back I'm glad he was strict with me la. It's precisely because of him that I'm able to appreciate and thank God for many many small things in my life.

Just an hour ago I was praying and thanking God for everything. Thank you for my family, for Gerrard, for the opportunity to study in NUS, for friends, for....everything. Thank you for putting me through shit because I came out stronger than before.

And yes I should really stop my unhealthy habit of surfing the net on my phone every night before I sleep I'm complete darkness because

1) Terrible for my eyes.

2) Waste battery and I hate charging my phone (is it me or does your phone feel lighter when it's low on battery?! I know it's psychological but it feels so real!!)

OK time to sleep gotta wake up early tomorrow + gym yes I said it gym simply because I feel fat.

Night!

P/S Dunno why I like this pic but I just do.

I would like to be intelligent for a day

2012-02-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

I have always admired smart people.

I have always wondered how it feels like to grasp a subject easily. I have always wondered how it feels like to put in 50%, and yet achieve the same grade (or do even better) than someone who puts in 100%.

I have always wondered how the minds of intelligent people work, how they are able to reason, evaluate, argue and pen down their thoughts with such ease.

I have always admired people exceptionally good in science and maths. I have always wondered how they can tolerate these...detestable subjects (in my opinion lah), how they can tackle problems and questions that I can never seem to no matter how hard I try.

I have always admired people who are articulate and fluent, who have no qualms about expressing their views and opinions in class, who not only dare to speak up, but make so much sense. (But at this point I think it would be useful to point out that I have seen terribly articulate people...only that they are empty vessels. All talk, no action. Because when it comes to the real work, their standard is so bad, it appalls me.)

How exactly do their brains work?! In TJ, I know of people who scored full marks for H2 maths. H2 MATHS excuse me. I spent hours revising, studying, and trying so freaking hard to pass that monstrous subject (but failed it all the way till prelims and even so it was a D I think), and these people just... manage to do it with a snap of their fingers. How in the world....

Actually, I can imagine how it feels like to grasp something quickly, except that mine applies to music. Sing me a tune and I can play it on the piano for you almost immediately. Ask me to compose a piano piece and I will have one ready for you in a few minutes. Play me a note on the piano and 99% of the time, I know exactly what note you are playing. Because music comes to me just like that. And I guess this is how it works for those intelligent people when it comes to maths or science.

However.... if these people could just give me a fraction of their intelligence, I think my schooling life would be so much easier. To be very honest, I am utterly sick of putting in so much, only to constantly achieve mediocre results. I am sick of putting in the same amount of effort as others, and still do worse in exams. I am sick of constantly having to worry about my results. In short, I wish that I am bestowed with more intelligence, because I am convinced that schooling would be much easier if I were smarter. You have to admit that smarter people often have it easier when it comes to studying, especially in this highly competitive education system we have in Singapore.

Of course, intelligent people will then refute me by pointing out that being intelligent isn't exactly a good thing. I understand where they are coming from. I can see it from their point of view. Doing well all the time results in the need to maintain those grades. With expectations comes stress. They can only continue to improve and go up, and honestly, there isn't much room for them to go up anymore, because they have been consistently at the top. And if they do fall, they fall real hard. In comparison, mediocre people like me have much more room to improve, to continue to persevere and hit the desired grade (or in my case, CAP). And when we really do hit it, we rejoice, because it is not always that we get to do so well.

I guess there are always two sides to every coin, but in this case, I really do wish that I was on the side of the coin with the word intelligent written across it.

Then, there's always the group of people who tell me that results isn't everything, that interest matters the most, that there is no point studying for the sake of results because it kills the joy of learning. While I admit that is true (and I constantly do strive to enjoy what I am doing. I am actually loving what I am studying now in fact), I have to point out that like it or not, I am a victim of Singapore's education system. Much as I try to ignore this thing called "results", I am afraid that I am unable to do so because I have been taught that results do matter since I was a kid. How to not succumb to the pressures of society when a teacher ever told me (back in JC) that, I quote, my "results are worrying"?

How, then, to reconcile interest and results? I love what I am doing now, but I am not seeing results. If this continues, I have no choice but to take an "easy" module next sem to improve my results. Would it then make sense if this module is completely not to my interest? I really don't know. It feels wrong if I'm doing it for the sake of getting good results.

Ok lah I make it seem as if I'm failing in uni, but that is far from the truth. Right now I am just going to continue to do what I like, and enjoy this process of learning. When the results come.... then the fretting begins.

PS. I sound like a hopeless romantic but I really cannot wait for Valentine's Day!

Chinese New Year blues

2012-01-22T21:58:00.000-08:00

Warning: Do not read if you are completely immersed in the CNY spirit and mood.

It's 7.34, Chinese New Year's eve. Across Singapore, families (or rather the majority) are currently having their reunion dinner.

In my mind, I see smiling faces, dishes spread out on a table, adults laughing and chatting, children immensely enjoying the food and a large family seated around the dining table. I hear chatter, the occasional outburst of laughter, the clinking of cutleries and the snap of the camera. I smell soup, cooked dishes, and the various condiments.

And I feel happiness.

But taking a step out of my (perhaps) idealized view of how a reunion dinner should be like, all I'm feeling right this moment is an overwhelming sense of sadness and perhaps a tinge of anger. I just got back from Jurong, took a quick shower, planted myself on the sofa and I'm trying to ignore the rumbling of my stomach because I've not had dinner.

I long for a reunion dinner described above. I desire for a close knitted family and when I talk about family, I mean my extended family as well. I'm not saying that my family isn't close. I think we are, but the absence of my father currently makes everything feel... Empty, and also because everything that I typed above, I can only carry on wishing for.

CNY has always been a simple affair for us. On NYE, we'd fetch my grandmother home. We didn't really bother with the decorations and all, until 2 years ago my mother suddenly brought home some cardboard with auspicious chinese characters printed on it to be pasted on the wall. None of us bothered to take it down and it's currently still stuck on the wall. For my family, Chinese New Year meant new clothes, new shoes, steamboat, bringing my grandmother home on NYE, staying up late and watching the countdown together and waking up early to visit my other grandmother the following day.

Visits to my grandmother's house was always a dread. We're okay with them, but not with my cousins' family. I don't know why but there has always been this barrier between us. I believe some kind of conflict happened between both families and somehow we were never really able to reconcile the differences and somehow, their conflict affected the next generation, which is my generation. -_- That being said, things did improve and we started being amicable with one another. However, the barrier was still there.

I've never been close to my cousins because trust me when I say that we couldn't click and one of them was a complete and utter ass. It would be nice to point out right now that I, Jeslyn Goh, have only TWO pathetic cousins, of which both are guys. Not that I have anything against guys, but let me elaborate. The younger brother was okay I guess. The elder brother was a complete jerk. I remember how he REFUSED to shake my hand every single year despite being coaxed into doing it. I remember the hurt and how hard I had to try to control my tears because it wouldn't be nice to cry on CNY (But it's ok, that's just me being young and stupid. If it were to happen now I'd totally give him a piece of my mind, and perhaps throw some pineapple tarts at him, or stuff some love letters up his nostrils. Whatever that causes pain lah). The meanest MEANEST thing he did was to take my picture and threaten to throw it out of the freaking window. If not for my grandmother's intervention I think my picture would have been flung down 5 storeys.

WHAT A LOSER OF A COUSIN I HAVE. But fortunately his immaturity didn't carry forward into his teens... and one day he just suddenly decided to take the initiative to come forward and shake my hand so... being the horribly soft-hearted and nice person that I am (heh), I let bygones be bygones and I put the whole incident out of my head. But I have decided that we will never and can never be friends.

So you see what kind of... lousy relatives I have. I long for close cousins. I long for those large, close knitted families that spontaneously organize meetups be it for Christmas or just to celebrate someone's birthday, and I long to be seated around a large table having steamboat with all of them... and now would be a really good moment for it to happen.

Instead, I am faced with pictures of family gatherings on Facebook and Twitter. I see tweets and status updates exclaiming how excited people are for steamboat. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, do not get me wrong. I'm not saying that you guys can't do that. After all, what's Facebook and Twitter for if you can't share that bit of excitement with your friends?

But I can't help feeling envious. So envious until it borders dangerously on jealousy. Each picture I see, each update I read, each SMS I receive pains my heart because it only serves to remind me of how...pathetic my life is ever since my father fell ill. I am so tempted to head to the window, scream and tell the world how badly I want to have steamboat, how much I long for a large and close knitted family. But I can't, because I do not want to be mistaken for a nutcase. So I do what I do most of the time when I'm upset... I blog, because typing is therapeutic and because blogging is a one way thing; I don't have to be afraid that my blog's reaction will disappoint me and hence, I can channel all my emotions into my blog post.

So right now the only thing I am looking forward to is to snuggle comfortably on my sofa and watch the CNY countdown although it often bores the shit out of me. But like what I said in a post some time back, it's that sense of being connected to everyone, that sense of thrill and anticipation when the countdown begins and knowing that almost everyone is counting down to the same thing that keeps me coming back for more.

And that's why I have promised myself that my children will NEVER experience this, because this feeling sucks so bad I never do want anyone to experience it. I guess if my children are blessed with good cousins and placed in a closely knitted family, I can then live vicariously through them.

I'm sorry if I sounded bitter, because I really am, but what can I do? Just got to accept things for what they are. I'm extremely sad and I do hope that I will feel better soon.

Empty

2012-01-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

There should be a word for the way I am feeling now. I guess empty should suffice.

Ever since 2012 started I have been plagued with this feeling of... emptiness.

I suddenly feel lost without any direction and I feel as if I'm going through life without any purpose. Right now I feel as if I'm just going through the motion of school, giving my best, trying hard to keep up with the readings, hoping that my efforts will pay off and then... and then what?!

I used to be strongly for the idea that if you work hard, efforts will pay off and remaining humble and thankfully accepting your success opens the gates to well, more success. But I guess certain experiences have made me disillusioned.

And I am disappointed.

I am desperately seeking for something to do in my life but so far.... nothing.

I'm tired of people (because people disappoint) and I make no effort to socialize. I just can't be bothered at all because knowing and seeing the way certain people act disgusts me, and once I feel that way towards some one, I just try to detach myself from him/her.

And I don't know how to continue this post because I'm one emotional mess right now so I'm going to do what I do best in (because there's really nothing else I'm good at).

Sleep.

Ate till we had to roll home

2012-01-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

Decided to splurge on a buffet to celebrate Christmas and the end of 2011. Headed to Park Royal Hotel for their Christmas buffet.

Headed to Haji Lane after that.

Ended off the day with a trip to Changi City Point...

For a bowl of fishball soup lol.

Hello Sem 2

2012-01-09T05:36:00.000-08:00

K sem 2 has begun. Nothing to say. Those enjoying post A levels holidays enjoy it while you can. 8 months will whiz by and very soon I will see you guys in NUS, that is if you choose NUS lah. As for me, my one month flew by so quickly I still cannot believe that school has reopened. -_- That said this was the best one month break I ever had in my life. Ate a lot.......

51 kg already. I have crossed the 50 kg mark.... milestone in my life cos I have always been underweight. Will never say that "I eat a lot also won't grow fat one" because that statement is coming back to haunt me.

Ok anyway, to tie in with the picture...

TIME TO KICK SOME ASS AND GIVE MY BEST!

Argh

2012-01-05T22:44:00.000-08:00

For the past 3 hours I have been..

Frantically planning my timetable, planning tutorial timings and modules so as to ensure there will be no clashes, try to bid for the module once the timetable seems fine, find out that most of the modules I want are not available for bidding, go to the modules website and scroll through the entire chunk for a better alternative, see if it fits my timetable, go back and bid for it, find out I have no way of bidding because I lack points...

and the cycle repeats itself.

I cannot emphasize how stupid this bidding system is. It is such a waste of time and it is freaking stressful. I just want to be able to study what I want..

Is it that hard?

New Year

2011-12-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

Every New Year's eve I wake up and I'm filled with a sense of anticipation and dread. I anticipate the upcoming new year because it signals a new start not only for me, but I believe for everyone else as well. However, there's something about the word "New" in New Year that triggers this sense of dread in me. I guess it's because I cannot bear to let the previous year go (v sentimental like that) and because I have already settled so comfortably in the previous year that dealing with something new just makes me feel uneasy.

For almost every single year (with the exception of last year which I spent with MEP people), I will be seated on my sofa watching the countdown with my family. It bores the shit out of me because the performances are usually mediocre and substandard.

For years I couldn't describe the feeling I experienced when watching the countdown. All I knew was that it provided some sort of connection to the world. Knowing that almost everyone out there in the world is celebrating the very same event somehow gives me a sense of thrill. It is only recently that I found the perfect description to explain why I feel that way:

Collective effervescence.

(Lolololol soci ah soci pardon me)

According to Wikipedia (lol),

Collective effervescence (CE) is a perceived energy formed by a gathering of people as might be experienced at a sporting event, a carnival, a rave, or a riot. This perception can cause people to act differently than in their everyday life.

So I guess this is what constantly propels me year after year to grab that remote control, turn on the TV and just passively watch the countdown (while mocking and laughing at some of the performances).

However, what I'm also waiting for is the actual countdown itself. The moment they begin the countdown, I enter into this..mini state of panic that is always perfectly concealed by my poker face. I find it hard to deal with the fact that in just mere seconds, all of us are gonna enter into a New Year. So while everyone counts down with such enthusiasm, I just... stone and wait. Until....

Happy New Year!!!!!!

Fireworks explore and fill the sky in all their splendour. Auld Lang Syne starts playing and everyone sings along. I try to muster that bit of enthusiasm but... nothing. It takes a few minutes before the fact that the New Year has arrived finally sinks in. All that weeks of waiting, of planning, of talking about the upcoming new year has finally materialized. It is then that I feel that tiny spark of anticipation and joy.

And then life goes on.

Hahahaha doesn't that feel like a slap in your face?!

So anyway, 2011 has been a kind year to me. I thank God for being so merciful to me. My life can be said to be extremely boring and uneventful. If it were made a movie, I think everyone will just start slashing their wrists 5 minutes into the show because it is Really. Very. Boring. So boring that sometimes I feel the need to do something crazy, like opening my window and screaming out into the open just to irritate my neighbours. -_- However, 2011 is the year where I managed to get a glimpse of the working world and earn some money.

In short, 2011(in an almost chonological order) for me was...

Working as a cashier at Shop n Save (lololol super funny but valuable experience. I learnt a lot!!)
Collecting my A level results
Attending open house for all 3 local unis (Didn't like SMU but still went for it anyway. No harm looking around)
Applied for university
Started relief teaching (Right now I think about some of the students and omg I swear I finally understand why some people kill)
Attended some church camp for youths
Finally got accepted into NUS after such a long wait (So happy I cried wtf)
Taught piano and gave tuition to earn extra $$ (Found out that I really enjoy teaching maths much as I hated it in JC)
Forced myself to sign up for Arts Camp (Best decision ever. No arts camp = No friends in uni )
VCF camp
Orientation camp
Started my 1st sem
Visited the Zoo, Night Safari and USS
Ate at and visited new places with Mr Lai
Grew fatter (It's not even funny anymore. I can't even eat without care like how I used to in the past. Very depressing. And what am I doing about it? Nothing. -_- )

Quite eventful right? Hehe. This NYE, I'm gonna visit my father and then meet Gerrard to celebrate NYE at Clarke Quay. For once, I am actually quite excited. As for New Year resolutions, I only have one:

To really make use of my 2012 planner/diary because I always ditch my planner within a few months. Very bad for an absentminded person like me who cannot seem to remember dates and important events.

Here's wishing all of you a happy NY with...

A picture of my backside. :D

We went cycling

2011-12-30T00:55:00.000-08:00

Sorry but I am the most unoriginal and least creative person when it comes to giving titles. Hence.... the above.

Explored Punggol Boardwalk and it was... ENORMOUS!! Really really really like that place and therefore I have decided...

To purchase a flat located at Punggol when I get married!

K because I have yet to shower since yesterday and I'm trying to make sure I do so before the clock strikes 12 (45 more minutes to go!!), I shall let the pictures do the talking.

Mode of transport

After breakfast, it was back to cycling. Destination: Punggol Boardwalk. At that point in time I was still...pretty energetic, until this HUGE slope loomed in front of me. Att the back of my mind I knew I was going to die and wouldn't make it to the top. Gerrard was nice enough to...

Challenge me up the slope.

Him: Gym at least once a week and known as muscleman VS Me: Someone who doesn't bother to exercise at all, besides doing sit ups occasionally not because I want to keep fit, but because I want to have a nice and flat tummy. -_-

So obviously we already have a winner right?!

About... 1/8 up the slope I gave up and decided to push my bike, huffing and panting all the way, strands of hair plastered on my face while he just zoomed past me, reached the top and started happily taking pictures of my misery. -_-

So here you go, cui-ness at its best. Don't laugh.

Spot me

Almost there!

Close!

Made it! Cui face ttm.

So anyway hightlight of the post isn't how cui I am, but how beautiful Punggol Boardwalk is. It's just...picturesque. Look at the following pictures and you will get what I mean.

Blocks of flats

Where in Singapore can you see such a sight?

Reliving my childhood

Don't mess with me hehe

Sun setting and it's time to head home

I really recommend you guys to check that place out. Because it's still new, it's pristine and clean. Parts of it are still under construction though, so groups of construction workers will be a common sight.

Shall end this post with a picture of me looking... sunburnt. Hehe.

The Broers Cafe

2011-12-22T06:31:00.000-08:00

Side by side comparison. He atas, I cheapo. Lol.

Design of the cafe a little too simple for my liking. It felt... Sparse. However the service is good and one of them even offered to help Gerrard and I take a pic. Pricing: Reasonable. Although I am not a fan of coffee I must say that the coffee is pretty good. Not much variety on the menu though. Sandwiches look deceiving because they are actually very filling. Once again, a nice hideout to chill and relax. Perfect for brunch.

Love?

2011-12-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

Here is what I think:

I think that everybody have, at some point in their lives, experienced the fear of never meeting his or her other half, spending adulthood single and hence, a solitary life during old age.

I myself grappled with the idea of finding my other half for YEARS. (Yes I am very trivial and indulge in such frivolous thoughts on a very constant basis but that is what I love about myself: I DARE to admit that I indulge in triviality and not try to go about acting intellectual and in fact I believe that some triviality is good for the soul and also, I'm pretty sure many girls out there do constantly think about their other half so... Heh!)

To me, it is extremely difficult, (although not impossible) to meet someone you like and for that person to like you back in the exact same way. The chances of that happening is one in a million and the probability, close to zero. In my mind, I just could not fathom how out of BILLIONS of people, you could actually meet someone, fall in love and have him (or her if you are a guy in this case) fall for you too. To me, it actually bordered on... impossibility.

So back in secondary school, disillusioned with love (will explain why I felt that way back then), I came to the conclusion that love couldn't possibly exist for me and that I will never get married and have cute baby boys... Which reminds me of the #foreveralone trend that I so often see popping up on my news feed, timeline and random blogs. Shows that I'm not the only one constantly craving for companionship. It's how we are created as human beings after all I guess... To have that other half to complement us.

But that aside, I'm going to briefly share my secondary school experience on my blog. I have NEVER told anyone about this before ok so please do not laugh! I was just a young and awkward teenager plagued with insecurities and desiring for... Love.

Yup I said it. Love.

When I entered sec one, my circle of friends started getting attached one by one. Perhaps it was just puppy love or a mere crush. Whatever the case, one couldn't deny the "prestige" bestowed onto the person in the relationship. By prestige (I am looking from the girl's point of view) I mean the sense of protection and feeling of pride the girl possesses when seen with the guy. Childish and immature? Yeah I admit I was very. But seeing my friends one by one getting attached, I craved and desired to be in their shoes. I longed for someone to (cough) like me and I longed to be in a relationship. I longed to be loved and so often did I play out scenes of me and my imaginary boyfriend in my mind. The me back then was bordering on obsessiveness, seeing how such thoughts often pervade my mind.

I began wondering if there was anything wrong with me. Was I not good looking enough? I wouldn't like to think so. I think I am average or maybe slightly above average, if I were to be very shameless. Of course I know that looks aren't everything, but one cannot deny that looks, unconsciously or not, DO play a part in the process of attraction. Like it or not, we access and judge people based on their looks before FTF communication even takes place. It is only after getting to know the person that character outshines looks and the latter then takes a step back. This is when the certain saying about how true beauty lies in character (or smth like that) becomes relevant, and I truly believe in that.

In short, I desired for a relationship and I was envious of friends who were in one. When years passed and I graduated from secondary school not only single but faced with many instances of unrequited love, I felt embarrassed and unwanted lol. In fact I think at one point in time, I was so emo about it I even... cried over it wtfwtfwtf. I think by sec four I was already resigned to the fact that no one will ever want me and hence...

#foreveralone.

Looking back I'm glad I didn't get into any relationship back then. I'm glad no one fell for me (hahaha) because... I am very very certain the relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway. I think none of my friends actually lasted with their first one, and I think most of them got into one for fun anyway. More importantly, I know I did NOT have the maturity to handle a relationship and juggle with my studies at the same time. The Parents were right after all. Being in a relationship requires so much commitment and patience. The secondary school kid back then would not be able to do so. Furthermore, I am one who expects a lot in a relationship and my expectations even border on being unreasonable. For example, I get upset over the slightest thing eg. If he can't meet me even though he has a perfectly valid reason I will still get upset -.- .

But I'm actually glad for the "experience" la. Part and parcel of growing up right? When such things happen, it allows you to look back, laugh at yourself and then realize how much you've grown. Although for my case I don't think I have grown much, I am still as childish and lame as ever. -_-

So yup for years I held on to the fact that no one will ever fall in love with me and was absolutely convinced that I will never fall happily in love and as a result, was super disillusioned with love because like I said, what are the chances of that happening?! Also, my social life is pretty pathetic and I hate gatherings and stuff. I only stick to people I am comfortable with. Like that how to find someone?!

(ok I think at this point it would be relevant to mention that my er first relaionship was a complete and utter FLOP hahaha I am just going to put it out of my mind and forget that it ever happened. I am completely over it by the way.)

But... I guess they (whoever they are) were right when they said that uni is the perfect place to find your other half. I am going to be very shameless here but somehow I had the feeling that I will meet "him" in uni. It just happened much sooner than I thought it would. It was extremely unexpected too. Funny how such things happen when you least expect it... goes to show that you should just "Let go and let God" lol. I'm not going to delve into my love story... Although I think it would make a pretty interesting and comical read hehe. Tell me if you want me to blog about it and I might consider hahahaha.

So... The girl who thought that it was impossible to fall in love has changed her mind. I still think that's it's pretty incredible though. Two people (out of billions) to meet and fall in love... I mean, what are the chances of that happenings?!?!

That being said, being in love is one of D most amazing experience. Everyday I fall asleep smsing him and wake up to his SMS. We have funny conversations and have "code words" that only make sense to both of us. We bicker, argue and quarrel but always make up after that, feeling closer than ever. He's my best friend cum soul mate cum role model. Three in one. A perfect blend for a healthy relationship. Ok damn lame.

I have learnt so much just by being in this relationship alone, that it's not always about me but rather, us. Pretty hard for me because I am so used to doing things my own way, so used to doing what I like whenever I want, so used to being that self-centered girl who only does things the way she deems fit. But in a relationship it is so different. Every decision I make now involves him. Sometimes (actually almost all the time) I slip back to the old me, making decisions all on my own, resulting in arguments and disappointment.

But I am trying. D:

K I really don't know how to end this post, but if you are fretting and wondering when you will meet your other half...

Fret not, because it will happen. Somehow.

(Unless you are destined to be a spinster la then in that case... erm, singlehood can be pretty fun also... Ok I should just shut up.)

Exploration session 2: Strictly Pancakes and Book Cafe

2011-12-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

The explorer within us couldn't be contained any longer... and so we embarked on our second exploration session at...

Strictly Pancakes and The Book Cafe!

Hahahahha so drama!!

Anyway, way before the exams, we were already planning on a trip to Strictly Pancakes for breakfast/brunch. I think I have heard friends mention this place to me before and being a Macdonalds hotcakes lover (ok poor comparison but I love the hotcakes sold at Macs! Haven't tasted nicer hotcakes -_- ), I just had to try the pancakes sold there!

So off we went on a sunny...Thursday (Was it a Thursday?!). Wasn't exactly in a mood to snap pics so... I only have pics of the menu and food.

I got the Medium Stack with salted butter and scrambled eggs. Rum + Raisin butter just didn't sound that...appealing. However I think I'll try it out one day.

Maple syrup and salted butter placed.

Mine!

Look at how fluffy and thick the pancakes are.

Gerrard's.

Ok I can feel myself salivating just by looking at the pics. iPhone's camera is pretty amazing...standing at only 5 megapixels (Yes I took all these pics with my iPhone).

Overall, three pancakes was all it took to fill my tummy. Doesn't sound a lot but trust me... the pancakes are pretty filling. These pancakes...beat Macdonald's ones hands down. They are thicker and fluffier. Haha I don't know why I keep using Macdonald's hotcakes as a basis for comparison but I guess when one mentions pancakes, Macdonald's hotcakes usually pop into mind, no?

As for pricing... I guess its pretty reasonable. The ambience is okay: Simple and cozy. There's even couches for you to sit on and have your meal (that is, if you manage to secure a spot), which makes for a pretty cozy date hehe.

The pics I took of the interior of the place were too cui unfortunately, so if you want to know how that place looks like...Google and then hop on down. Lol!

With a full tummy and feeling satisfied, we walked around Plaza Sing before heading over to The Book Cafe. Once again... I didn't really bother taking many pics. Totally regretting it right now. Much as the iPhone takes decent pictures, it sucks in low light as the pictures I took ended up very noisy and grainy and no amount of editing I did could salvage those pics. So... I'm gonna steal some of Gerrard's pics hehe.

Haiya forget it. Took so long to resize these pics and then upload to blogger which resizes these pics again and then I have to click on the pics which opens a new window and then I have to copy the pics, go back to the previous window and then paste the pic into my blogpost...which works most of the time except this time, thus accounting for the sudden change in pic size above argggghh blogger why you so annoying?!?!?!?

Anyway, the great thing about The Book Cafe is that there is a much much much wider variety of books compared to The Little Bookshop. See the pic above? Yup, that is only one out of the three shelves of books found there. It's really, really very cozy and much more comfortable as there are sofas for you to sit on not only to read, but to eat as well. Ironic thing is that the place was tooo cozy until I lost the mood to read lol!!! Ended up talking and watching videos (HAHAHAHAHHA ok inside joke ah inside joke) more than reading.

My only complaint? The place was too dimly lit (resulting in grainy pics)...which makes it perfect for an afternoon siesta haha. But I guess it's just me, because I like well lighted places.

Overall, fun day with Mr Lai. Enjoyed myself and guess what?

We're embarking on another exploration session...tomorrow! Eggcited much!

Exploration Session 1

2011-12-02T18:13:00.000-08:00

So basically we came up with a to-do list for the holidays.... which includes visiting places that we have not been to before. So we kicked start our exploration session on a Thursday by visiting...

Hatched and The Little Bookshop!

Apparently Hatched is an "Egg-inspired all day breakfast restaurant." Hmm something NOVEL for once hahahahaha ok inside joke. Anyway, I like this place cos its hidden away from the hustle and bustle of Singapore.

Hidden behind the...lush greeneries (?!) is a hidden treasure trove namely Hatched!

Lol even the signboard looks like an egg. Cute or what!

Once inside, Gerrard and I began snapping pics hahaha. I like how the menu looks like. 2011 Catalog of Eggs...how..novel! LOL!

Interior of the place...

Wa so intent ah?

I was pretty spoilt for choice...so we decided to get some set meant for couples/best friends or something like that.

Overall... I thought the food there was pretty ok. Not exactly fantastic but the setting and the ambience made up for it. The atmosphere was...laid back and relaxing. It was a weekday so it wasn't packed at all. My scrambled eggs (ok sounds damn wrong) was pretty bland...until I spammed salt and pepper then it tasted pretty good. Is it meant to be that way??

So anyway, after Hatched, we hopped on over to...The Little Bookshop! Some time back I read about book cafes in Singapore...and have been wanting to visit them but couldn't find the time to do so. Now that we have time on our hands, I am determined to visit all the book cafes in Singapore, pick my favourite and then stick to that one for a long time to come lol!

Gerrard sent me a list of book cafes and I decided on The Little Bookshop because firstly, I liked its name (lol) and secondly, I volunteered to lead the way and find out how to get there (eh hello big achievement ok I googled like mad only to realize that the map app on the iphone was much more useful -_- ) and East Coast Road (TLB is located along East Coast Road) was the only familiar place to me. Hahaha why am I such a noob!!

After panicking a little and A LOT of help from Gerrard and my iPhone (wa my sense of direction really CMI but nvm will continue working on it hahaha), we found the place!! It's nestled in between a row of shophouses.

Tsk underexposed...

Open the red door and you will be greeted by a flight of stairs leading to the cafe.

When climbing up the stairs and faced with mirrors, what better thing to do than to camwhore?

Interior of the cafe. See the whole row of books? Ya I got extremely excited...

Only to realize that the books were all wrapped up and you could only read those books on the shelves if you are a member. -_- The only books you are allowed to read are those in a small little....push cart thing which was quite pathetic. What a disappointment... But I found a nice book anyway and settled down all nice and comfy in my chair. We spent the next hour plus reading and sipping coffee (for him) and hot chocolate (for me).

Overall I think the cafe is worth a visit if you want a place to just chill out with friends over a cup of coffee or even study. The lack of books are a huge disappointment if you're not a member, but the coziness of the place made up for it. Point to note...bring a book along if you intend to read there!

Got a little bored of reading and decided to camwhore again HAHA. Sorry lah that's girls for you.

We left the place around 6 plus and headed to Parkway Parade for my favourite steamboat.

See what I mean by taking pics before we even start eating...quite hilarious actually hahaha.

Bought a packet of stickies. Lime's my favourite!!

Lastly...

It's the vacation!!! Yay!!! Gonna enjoy my December and all of you should too hehe!

P/S Gerrard Lai if you are reading this.... YOU ARE SO DEAD.

SEM ONE IS OVER

2011-11-30T01:32:00.000-08:00

Ok lah I've not updated for 10000 years amazing people still visit my blog lol.

Anyway, just a few months back I remember worrying and fretting about starting school and now...Sem one is officially over yay!!!

Looking back, as much as I complained and whined about work + exams and got extremely sick of school at certain points in time, I really did enjoy my first semester in NUS. Of course I did regret taking certain modules (cough SEA cough) but for the first time in my life, I really feel as if I have benefited from studying. Now I see...almost everything in a new perspective. I see the world in a different light and I have to attribute that to the various modules I took this sem. For example, Sociology really helps you see things differently. For the first time in my life I actually do look forward to attending (certain) lectures. Things like attending a really good and interesting lecture (or tutorial) really REALLY brightens my day because I feel so equipped with new found knowledge I can literally dance out of the LT. -_- Damn lame I know right. Studying isn't such a big chore (as compared to JC days) anymore because I'm doing what interests me...

Ok lah I change my mind. Studying is still a chore, but learning has taken a whole new level. And I'm happy for that!

So what have I been up to besides studying (and more studying)? Ok some pics!

Pics taken before Titanic exhibition...

Korean BBQ

Anyway, have so many plans for the one month break. Hope it'll be a good one and leave me fully recharged for the following sem. ;) For now, its back to lazing my life away....

2011-10-27T00:06:00.001-07:00

Just two weeks ago I was down with flu.... Which lasted for a little over 2 weeks. It was bad but bearable. I was still able to think logically and complete my tutorials/assignments. I was always holding a wad of tissue paper in my hand, all crumpled and filled with, er.... Mucus. Lol. (ok very random but I will never ever name my son Marcus cos it reminds me of mucus -_-)

Just when I thought I had fully recovered, a fever decided to strike..and I woke up on Tuesday with a temperature of 38.1 degree celsius. The funny thing was that I wasn't even aware of the fever even though I was shivering in bed (despite being covered with my thick blanket and with the fan turned off), and attributed it to the fact that I have been stressing myself out too much.

One thing led to another and here I am in absolute misery.... Having the worst stomach discomfort I have ever experienced in my life. The doctor says its gastric but somehow I think otherwise.

My stomach has been churning non stop since yesterday night. I didn't manage to sleep well. Sitting feels uncomfortable. Standing feels worse. Lying down feels terrible. In short, I cannot do anything without feeling extremely nauseous.

I am on the verge of crying already because I cannot do ANY work at all. 5 minutes into studying and my stomach starts churning so violently, I have to get up, walk around and ease my discomfort.

I don't know what to do because right now I'm feeling so, so miserable.

2011-10-11T00:32:00.000-07:00

Aiyo please let this sem be over soon! Very upset with myself because I have been missing lectures just because I couldn't wake up and the thought of travelling all the way to Buona Vista puts me off... >:(

Need more strength!!!

When I got sick of studying at 1 am...

2011-09-29T01:30:00.000-07:00

Recently my brother has been playing the same tune (What Are Words by Chris Medina) on the piano over and over again. Apparently his music teacher taught him how to play the song on the piano and he got kinda obsessed with it. Frustrated that he couldn't get it right, I decided to help him out and this is what we produced... I'm playing the accompaniment while he's playing the main melody (which explains the mistakes HAHAHA I am such a mean sister). It's not all perfect and stuff, but its pretty funny especially when we make mistakes and end up laughing. It was a nice break from studying. :')

First attempt: Memo.m4a

(Ya the person who said "Jeslyn shut up" is my mother -_-)

Second attempt: Memo (1).m4a

Sorry I didn't bother trimming the unwanted parts so er, ya that's how I talk to my brother we are both crazy people who laugh at anything and everything.

Sigh...this is what music should be man..random experimentation and improvisation on the piano...not bounded by musical notation or exams or grades. Ok I was the one improvising not my brother but still... I experienced such joy during that short duet with my brother. Sadly, I can't seem to find this sense of joy when I'm studying. In fact studying has become such a chore. I always start off extremely enthusiastic but this enthusiasm slowly tapers off. Recently I have been constantly questioning if FASS is the right place for me after all. I was so sure that it would be...

Ok no can't slip into emo mood gotta stay positive!

Uni is tough but Jeslyn is tougher! :)

Wasting my life away

2011-09-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

6 weeks into school and finally, its recess week. Finally a week where I don't have to step into that stifling environment where (almost) everyone is mugging their ass off. Not that I hate NUS or anything..in fact I'm so much happier than when I was in TJ..at least I don't have teachers breathing down my neck and expecting me to perform well. Now the I'm the one breathing down my own neck and giving myself the stress. I love the freedom and flexibility found here.

Don't know what's up with my enthusiasm level. Right now I don't feel enthusiastic about anything at all. I can't even be bothered to join any CCA at NUS. In fact I don't look forward to anything at all. -_- Life feels rather...meaningless. I am exasperated with myself and I wish I could show more zest and enthusiasm towards life but currently...nothing. I only look forward to eating, sleeping, meetups with friends, friday's lecture and er meeting you that's all. :O

No this can't do...I need to do something. I'm only 19 and I feel as if I'm wasting my life away. I shall head to the CC soon and see if there's any course that interests me...and then I'll sign up for it. #determined.

Ok long time no picture shall give you a sexaye picture of me. Please don't drool... thanks.

HAHAHA!

2011-09-12T05:54:00.001-07:00

Oh dear Lord please get me through this week please please please. I know I have no right no complain but I'm neglecting all my readings and school work just for this exam and just to complete my assignments by Friday. Please let Friday come and please let my exam go smoothly tomorrow. I'm unprepared but I'm hoping for the best.

Story of my life

2011-09-10T21:06:00.001-07:00

My. Mother. Read. My. Love. Letter.

A. R. G. H.

Story of my sad and pathetic life.

:)

2011-09-10T00:14:00.001-07:00

Received the sweetest sweetest sweetest message from you today. Just felt that I should blog about it cos...it has been a long time since I felt this happy. Very thankful to have you around at NUS with me and even though the next week is gonna be pretty terrible, I know I have you. :)

2011-09-02T12:04:00.001-07:00

EL presentation

SEA group project proposal

Soci assignment

SEA essay

Diploma exam

I can do this I can I can! I just gotta c a l m d o w n and take it one step at a time.

No sense of meaning

2011-09-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I feel this pressing need to blog... to release the thoughts weighing on my mind and to share them with you guys. I'm not really a very expressive person so I seldom verbalize my thoughts to my friends... its not that I don't trust you guys its just that I'm not really comfortable with talking about my problems openly. And that's why I blog, because I feel more comfortable with writing, because I love to see my thoughts and feelings encapsulated and neatly packed in this tiny and personal space of mine, because blogging helps me think, reflect, ponder and always gives me this sense of comfort.

What can I say? The enthusiasm I originally had for learning is beginning to wane. I've been pretty hard on myself these few days. I've been so caught up in trying to catch up with my readings/completing my tutorials/preparing for each lecture that I sorta lost myself in the process. My desire to do well academically has kicked in and its not a good thing because I can go to the extreme. I remember how I locked myself in my room to study for practically the whole day back in secondary school...and I shudder at the thought of it. Yes, I got the results I wanted: 7 points for O levels but...is it even worth it?! I keep reminding myself that there is so much more to life than doing well, that there are people out there who love me for who I am, good results or not...but I keep pushing that fact away because I know I'm not smart and the only way for me to do well is to w o r k my ass off. But...what am I even working for?? Is what I'm learning now even useful? Do I really care about things like the sociological imagination, phonetics, whether Southeast Asia is real or imagined or whether my tongue is touching my alveolar ridge when I pronounce certain words?! Omg this is damn funny I'm laughing to myself because suddenly, everything I'm learning seems so..absurd!

Sigh, feeling pretty jaded I guess. I feel as if I'm working without a purpose, just going with the flow. I still do hunger and thirst for knowledge but no man...this is not the way learning should be. I know I should be thankful for a chance to study, but right now everything seems so meaningless. I hope I snap out of it soon. And no I'm not emo ok hahaha I'm just expressing my thoughts towards studies!

Anyway, after a rather draining EL tutorial today (or rather yesterday), I rushed over to tanah merah for lesson with the boys. Tired, sweaty and a little upset that I was quite blur during tutorial, I was greeted with the mischievous smile of the little brother when he opened the door for me. He ran to his room and appeared with a yellow teachers' day card in his hand, the same mischievous smile still on his face. The next thing I knew, the elder brother appeared with a card in his hand too. All my tiredness disappeared and I suddenly felt quite shy haha. The cards aren't exactly the nicest looking but in my eyes, they are beautiful because I know the message written in it came from the boys' hearts...and that really touched me. Sigh, the beauty of innocent little kids... I'm quite sad that I'm only gonna be teaching them for two more lessons because whenever I'm teaching them, I feel as if I'm doing something meaningful; I feel this sense of purpose in life, something I don't experience when I'm busy studying. But I know this is for my own good.

Ok it's 5 am. I can feel my head spinning. Better catch some sleep. I hope things will get better in time to come.

Week 2

2011-08-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

Reason why I've not been blogging as frequently as before is because my life has been the most boring shit these 2 weeks. It feels like JC all over again...just much much slacker (for now). I'm loving the freedom uni offers and how I can get to wake up at 8 am (nearly) everyday. The journey to school can get pretty draining but I'm still coping fine currently. Can't speak for the future though, especially when the work starts piling up and you gotta deal with 1.5 hours of travelling and that's not taking the peak hour into consideration. But I'm learning to count my blessings and not complain because what's 1.5 hours of travelling compared to those who travel all the way from Malaysia just to pursue their studies in Singapore? Hope I can maintain this optimism for the rest of this sem. I may complain/whine about it but deep in my heart I'm very thankful for a place in uni because like I said before, I really didn't see myself making it to the U due to my consistently shitty results in TJ. Even though its just FASS, nothing grand or prestigious, I'm still thankful.

Somehow everything still feels kinda surreal. Hard to believe that 8 months flew by just like that and here I am, struggling to keep up with my readings even though its only the 3rd week of school. I look forward to every lecture because I really do love learning. Some lectures might truly be terrible but I always believe that if you just try your best and pay attention, you'll definitely get something out of it. It might be the most insignificant piece of information/fact but hey at least you learnt something! Ok I think this is another one of my weird ways of thinking hahaha.

I'm still trying to assimilate myself into my surroundings. There are times where I feel terribly lost and lonely because my good friends are scattered everywhere...not that I have many to begin with also lah hahaha. Being the huge sotong that I am, getting around NUS has kinda been an issue for me. I have NO sense of direction and its not funny. >:( Trying to find my way around requires so much effort on my part it sucks. I have tried my best to remember how to get to certain places but still...sigh. I admire people with a good sense of direction because the feeling of being lost/uncertain sucks big time. But I'm learning to deal with it bravely and hopefully, in time to come, things will get better and I'll be much more confident of getting around NUS.

Tutorials commence this week. Honestly I'm quite...intimidated by it I guess? I'm not the kind who speaks up during class because it's just not me and I feel uncomfortable sharing my views with a whole group of people. But then there's this thing called class participation... -_- I don't know what to expect and the thought of entering a class filled with unfamiliar faces scares me...but I know I must learn to deal with it. Hoping for the best and hoping that the people in my tutorial groups will be nice...because I am nice and I like to be around nice people HAHAHAHA.

All the best to me (and to jc people who are mugging their ass out as the A levels draw near) and I do hope I emerge unscathed by the end of this week.

One day to the start of school

2011-08-10T13:55:00.000-07:00

Wow it felt as if I've not blogged for ages.

So many things have happened I don't even know where and how to start. Basically I've settled my modules already. The process wasn't exactly smooth sailing as I had hoped it would be. My phone hanged on me just as I was changing my bid for SEA studies at 5.50 pm and refused to load no matter how many times I tried refreshing it, (the whole bidding process ended at 6pm) resulting in a 0 bid point for my SEA module. I nearly went mad and the following hour saw me fretting/worrying/in tears and calling CORS up, trying my best to explain the situation to them and yet not making much sense because I was babbling incoherently in sheer exasperation. Sorry..I guess you guys know by now that I cannot handle such situations calmly or rationally. I get unnerved damn easily and I panic at the slightest thing. :( Not exactly a good trait to have...

First lecture @ NUS starts tomorrow. I'm excited yet fearful. I've said this before...I love the process of studying and acquiring new knowledge! I really enjoy learning new things and I will grab any opportunity to learn. Unfortunately I'm not the smartest person you know and I seriously doubt my intellectual capabilities. Right now I'm just hoping to quickly settle down and get used to uni life. I need stability in my life...I can't deal with changes. The future currently seems like one hazy mess...but I take comfort in the fact that I have God and somehow things will work out, like how they always do for me. ;)

Ok lah this is gonna sound damn stupid and cheesy but...

Jeslyn 加油!

Hahahahahhahaha.

2011-07-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

Another great day out with sabsab! V thankful for the friendship that we have... 9 years and counting. She's one friend I know I'll keep for a long time to come.

Today is bidding day. Trust me when I say that I have been worrying incessantly about it. I'm one of the biggest sotong around so you can imagine how clueless/lost I felt for the past few weeks with regards to bidding for our mods. Thank God today went pretty smoothly without any hiccups along the way. Now all I've gotta do is to wait for the outcome and see if my bids are successful. I'm praying and hoping that it will be because I've painstakingly planned my timetable and packed everything into 4 days. Any changes would just send me into a state of panic....

2011-07-26T00:28:00.001-07:00

I'm half an hour early for lesson so here I am, slumped on a chair beside the pool of my student's house, completely shutting myself out from my surroundings and waiting for 3.30 to arrive.

Vcffoc and o week pre camp are finally over. I'm totally drained and I can hardly summon any energy to move around at home. The burns on my shoulder hurt and I have the ugliest tan lines on my body. But all these are inevitable....I made the decision to sign up for these camps so I should just deal with it.

These few weeks saw me making new friends and experiencing school life in a whole new way. While I am excited and pleased with myself for making an effort to move away from my comfort zone,there is still this part of me that desperately long for the days spent in TJ. I long for the time spent with my small group of friends. I long for our gossip and study sessions and our small gathering at the back of TJ where we'll have our lunch together. I miss those times terribly.
While its still possible to meet up every now and then, I guess things will never be the same. Yes we'll still be good friends, but being in different courses/school and not being able to see one another that often might take its toll on our friendship. But then again, true friendship, if built on a strong foundation, should never waver, right? I'm holding on to that fact. My dear friends, just know that I will always hold you guys close to my heart even though I may be too caught up in this whole new experience I'm currently embarking on.

Wa ok too cheesy already I cannot take it hahaha.

3.25 pm. Trying my best to summon whatever energy I have within me but failing terribly. The two boys are a handful and I get tired just thinking about how I'm gonna get their attention later.

Ok off I go. Wish me luck!

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2011-07-21T23:17:00.001-07:00

Hi I'm back from camp. Too lazy to blog about the details but once again I cannot believe how amazing it is to feel to at ease with certain people despite knowing them for merely 4 days. Off for O week pre camp later... I have a sudden lack of enthusiasm for everything because right now, all I wanna do is to just have some time for myself, to disconnect myself from the world for a few days and to recharge myself. Too bad there's no time...

Just got off the phone with my father. Told him I was going for camp later and he said he'll try to drive me there if he has the time. He doesn't know that he can't, that he has already sold his car away and that he can't even walk. I suddenly felt terrible... I've not seen him for 2 weeks already. I've been busy with so many things that I've kinda even forgotten about him at times. The last time I visited him, I didn't even bother talking much to him and even fell asleep. I feel so sinful and disgusted with myself. He's in this state and he still bothered about me... I started crying, trying not to give myself away and trying so hard to prevent my voice from cracking. What kinda lousy daughter am I? And then there's my mother...one of the most important person in my life and yet I often fail to show my love for her but constantly snap at her/lose my cool/ignore her instead...I feel so...disgusted with myself. Totally no mood for camp later.

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Saturday morning

2011-07-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

This week has been an extremely fulfilling week. I've been like a busy bee rushing around from one place to another, often missing lunch. I've not had a good sleep for weeks already but I'm still really happy. A house bonding later and camp next week. Don't know if my body can take it actually. Whatever the case, I'm having the time of my life now and I really do not want it to end...

I have always thought of myself as a very disciplined kid...but I am finally getting to see how undisciplined I am. I have been playing hard and neglecting all the work that is starting to pile up. I attend piano lessons every week with work hardly touched and piano not practiced. It's making me damn stressed because my exam is...less than a month away and the exorbitant $800 for the diploma exam is constantly weighing on my mind. I am damn stressed omg but I just can't seem to do anything about it because besides teaching piano and giving tuition, I have been busy playing and meeting my OG mates. Not a good thing. That is also one of the reasons why I decided against staying in a hall because I know I'll play harder than study.

This is what they call the "honeymoon period" and I believe everyone (especially those who attended NUS arts camp) is feeling the thrill and excitement. A whole new journey awaits us and I pray for wisdom to make the decisions required of me.

Gotta be at Clementi at 1.30 pm so I'm gonna catch some sleep first bye!

Thankful

2011-07-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday saw me stepping into TJ again. It was...nice. As I walked past the benches at the back of the school and headed towards the arts hub, waves of nostalgia hit me. Suddenly, I felt like I was thrown back in time, that I was still studying in TJ, that I was still that 18 year old girl confused and worried about A levels and looking at a future that is seemingly bleak because of my consistently lousy results.

As I walked towards the GO, I took the time to look around and soak in my surroundings. Everything seemed the same, it felt as if nothing changed. TJ was still as green and dull (something I grew to accept and even love as time passed) as ever. However, as I glanced at the unfamiliar faces of the current J1s, it just suddenly reminded me that I'm no longer a student there but rather, someone waiting to enter uni and enter a whole new phase in my life. That sudden sense of disconnection from my surroundings didn't feel nice at all.

As I walked out of the GO with my A level cert, I saw Miss Kwan, a teacher I truly respect. We had a short chat about uni and she said something about FASS being the place for me. The one sentence she said that struck me the most was "You look so happy!" I could sense her happiness for me and it nearly made me tear lol. Thank God for such teachers man...my image and impression of teachers nearly went down the drain after some gross experiences at PRCS but Miss Kwan reminded me that there are still good teachers out there worth respecting.

When I finally had time to be alone, I took out my certificate and suddenly, this huge wave of...gratitude washed over me . 2 years ago, I never saw myself graduating. I was even on the verge of quitting JC. To cut the long story short, it was the most hellish period of my life. But what does not kill you makes you stronger...and stronger I definitely am now. All I gotta do now is to have more confidence in myself and believe that I can do it!

I was just having a conversation with my mother yesterday and she asked me IF I had gotten straight As (IF lah ok IF only), would I still choose FASS? My answer was a definite yes. I may be wishy washy and indecisive in many areas of my life but when it comes to education, I always know what I want and I will never let anyone decide for me. I'm not the kind who cares about my future prospects (quite immature of me I know) or how prestigious a course is because to me, enjoying what I study is the most important. So, hats off to the top CJC science student who chose to pursue Music at NUS. Respect ah!

Meetup with GH and Trinda yesterday was nice. I always feel this...inner peace (lol) when I'm with them.

I love you girls you made my TJ life bearable sob sob sob. HAHAHA.

Ok lah last day at work today...then piano lesson, then tuition, then meeting... I cans do it!

1.30 pm

Verbal vomit, don't bother reading.

Hi blog. I just had the worst lesson in my entire, entire life. Today the students were just...crazy. C R A Z Y. It was pure chaos. Their behavior was atrocious. Hiding behind the piano, behind the curtain, talking back to me, wrestling each other on the floor, running around, walking around as if I'm non-existent WHEN I'M TRYING SO BLOODY HARD TO TEACH THEM SOMETHING AND TRYING MY BEST TO SHOUT ABOVE ALL THAT NOISE...it was just one fucking mess there is seriously something wrong with some of them I swear. Some of them really need to seek help I AM SERIOUS. And by the way this is the second time I'm using the F word on my blog and that says a lot. I was like THIS IS IT I'M NOT GONNA TEACH THEM ANYMORE, so I marched to the VP's office and called for his help. It was that bad. And by then I was already tearing wtf damn angry damn upset WHAT IS WRONG WITH THOSE STUDENTS?!?! Are they freaking suffering from ADHD? If so, WHY NOT DIAGNOSED?! ARE THEIR PARENTS EVEN AWARE?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?! I'm seething now. Like really seething with rage. Sucks that its my last lesson ok what a lousy way to end it all but its ok. I'm glad its over. It was a great experience and I'm glad I stuck through it without giving up halfway. Hate saying this but I feel really judged in this place...and I don't really like the vibe I get from many teachers. There's this...cold and unfriendly aura around some of them...or maybe its partly cos I don't bother to make friends/socialize over here but I honestly don't care at all. Funny how I feel more welcomed and accepted by people with hardly any educational background back when I was working as a cashier...so much for teachers moulding our future generation...I'm damn grossed out and feeling damn disillusioned now. Ok lah very incoherent again my thoughts are all jumbled up into one big mess and yeah I'm very upset now but I will be fine in a while. I just need to stop wallowing in self pity now but I am in serious need of TLC actually hahahaha wth whatever. That's the good thing about me...I get over these kinda things pretty quickly.

2011-07-12T00:39:00.001-07:00

Lesson learnt: Never trust anyone that readily. Only do so when you are certain that he or she is trustworthy and worthy of your trust.

Humans intrigue me and sometimes I wonder why are some people such....assholes. Hate using that word but can't find a better word to describe those bunch of people.

V disgusted with some people and may your lives suck for doing this to me.

Zzz such an angry post. I'm tired. 2 more boys to teach and I'm done for the day... I think. Go Jeslyn!!

Ok back O M G just had the most draining lesson in my entire life. I was falling asleep while teaching and it doesn't hurt to know that the older brother wasn't very cooperative today. He tends to...ignore whatever I say and do things his own way. I had to repeat each instruction 10 (maybe even more) times each. So basically half of the lesson I'm talking to a boy who's just engrossed in his own playing. The feeling sucks.

The boys have a short attention span so I always have to think of interesting things to grab hold of their attention. Thinking on the spot isn't easy...especially with a tired mind + energy level running close to zero. I was so tired + exasperated with the older boy today I nearly cried wth.

Trudged towards the mrt station (with my cui-est look ever) in low spirits while whatsapping Kai Jie and omg he made my day. Brudder don't know if you are reading this (I highly doubt so) but I was damn touched that at least someone cared... that at least you're willing to help reduce a portion of my burden because I have so many things going on I feel so shagged.

And please...don't stir. He's just my ogl and...BRUDDER! Hurhurhur.

Small things like these are what keeps me going. V thankful for the people around me who cares.

ZZZ

2011-07-10T19:07:00.001-07:00

Today I woke up with this heavy feeling in my heart because it suddenly dawned upon me that school is gonna start very, very soon. I'm very psyched for orientation but as for the academic aspect... I am dreading it really badly. It feels as if I have just collected my A level results from TJ. The trepidation, excitement and worry I felt is still fresh in my mind. I still remember bracing myself for the worst and preparing to cry over my results (which I surprisingly didn't), heading over to Bedok Point for lunch at Pastamania followed by a karaoke session at Kbox with Joanna, lying on the couch singing and feeling quite crappy over my results...only to feel crappier when I left the place.

These few months have just FLOWN by in a flash it scares me. I look back and I feel...shitty because I don't think I've done much and lived life to the fullest. Besides eating and eating and more eating (and not being able to fit into a pair of shorts and two pairs of pants which is so devastating) ... I can only vaguely remember having outings with my friends and dragging myself to school everyday. Oh, and sitting on my first roller coaster at USS which I will be more than willing to experience again.

I look at my schedule for July and I am honestly quite scared. A house bonding, lunch with O/Agls, orientation pre camp, orientation pre pre camp (heard there's gonna be one), VCF camp, OG outing (later today) and many other personal commitments... I suddenly feel like escaping from it all and just retreat into one corner and...eat to my heart's content. -_-

Sigh need more positive energy here!!

Call me a dreamer

2011-07-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

I've never ever told anyone this before...but I've a few secret dreams. If I ever were to accomplish them, my life will be complete.

I dream of...

Performing Rachmaninov's piano concerto in C minor with an orchestra at a concert hall.

YES YES YES I know... being too ambitious here I mean...look at my piano playing standard. Laugh all you want but its something I yearn for. I admit I get so nervous before any performance that I'll start trembling (seriously trembling) and my palms will start to sweat like mad... and that's why I hate any form of solo piano performance. But this piece...this piece is so beautiful and breathtaking words really cannot describe it. If there's a way to describe it, its like having an eargasm. Every time I listen to it I get goosebumps. I lose myself in the piece and my emotions surge and swell as the piece progresses. Sometimes, I even tear because of the sheer beauty of the piece. I am that affected by music, more affected by most people I believe. By the end of the piece, I'm always exhausted emotionally. That's the beauty of classical music... a pity not many people know how to appreciate it.

Another secret dream of mine is to... (ok please do not laugh at this I'm quite embarrassed about this >:( )

Compose the music for the NDP theme song one day.

Idk man... I really love Singapore and I hate it when people complain about our country. Yes we might have cheesy funpack song, kiasu culture, pressure cooker society...but if there's one thing I really appreciate, its the sense of security I experience living in this country. It totally outweighs all the negative characteristics we are often said to have. So this is the least I can do to express my gratitude towards my country. A pity it'll never happen but hey doesn't hurt to have dreams right!

Big dreams aside, I have trivial dreams like marrying a good guy (hahaha wth come on I know every girl dreams of this), travelling around the world, earning a lot when I grow up and finally being buy clothes without always having to check the price tag and tearing myself away from it when its too expensive, giving birth to lovely kids etc etc.

Very idealistic I know.

PS For those of you wondering why my name appeared in a newspaper the other day its because my friend is working as an intern there and I just helped him out hahahahaha.

Need more time

2011-07-06T22:33:00.000-07:00

Trust in the Lord and don't despair,

He is a friend so true.

No matter what your troubles are,

Jesus will see you through!

Sing, when the day is bright,

Sing, through the darkest night.

Everyday, all the way,

Let us sing, sing, sing!

A song my father taught me back when I was in sec 4. Short, sweet, simple yet uplifting song. It was the song that got me through both O and A levels. I sung it in my heart before every paper and it truly did give me strength and courage. A few months back, I sang this song to my father and he joined in. After we had sung the song, he exclaimed "Wa! You still remember this song ah!"

I think he was surprised that I could still remember this song cos he only sang it to me once. I have a terrible memory but when it comes to music, especially melody, I have the ability to retain it very well.

So many things I wanted to say.

"Of course I remember! Don't you know it got me through all those challenges and obstacles in my life?! I will never ever forget this song..."

I just remained silent and smiled.

Very tiring day today...especially with 1/1. They are... I really don't know what to say. Running around before lesson, hiding behind the piano, throwing things around (today one threw a metal ruler I was scared out of my wits), speaking in Malay most of the time, shouting in class, hiding behind the curtain, spoiling the instruments... I have absolutely Z E R O control over them and sometimes I get so exhausted I just stand staring at them all...wondering what I have got myself into.

And yet, they are the sweetest bunch of people. Every time I wait for them to line up, some of the will flood around me and bombard me with questions like "Teacher! Today can you teach me how to play the piano?" or "Cher! I brought my book today!" or even "Teacher! You know that.... (starts rambling on about some random topic)." They are more...simple minded and perhaps even naive, probably stemming from the fact that they are in the Normal Tech stream. The cutest thing would be having a group of them always crowding round the piano while I teach, asking me questions all the time. I love them and yet, there are times I wish I could just throw them out of the class and never see them again.

Thought I'll be ending work this week but it turns out that I might have to stay on till the 18th? Should I? Can feel myself being stretched from all directions....school, family, NUS camps, tuition and piano kids, my own piano and theory lesson (which I am v v v stressed about actually because I don't see myself progressing and my exam is in a few months time? Don't want another FTT shit happening)...

Ok, being really random here. But is ABBA pronounced as AH-BAH, or A (like how you pronounce the A in Apple) BAH?

Kk off I go for my music lesson. ;)

What gets my goat

2011-07-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

I get irritated very easily so I thought I should just note down some of the things that irritate me just for the fun of it.

1) People who don't use in ears and leak their music on the bus, trains etc.

2) Smokers

3) Having to wait for people/public transport (Irritates me so bad I'm always fuming by the time the bus arrives wth)

4) Getting tapped on the shoulder (I react quite violently sometimes hahahaha)

5) Sitting next to v v big sized people on the train. (I know this is damn mean of me but I really get very irritated cos I'm so restricted in my seat and have to stick my arms close to my body)

6) When my watermelon juice is diluted + bits of seeds inside my juice. Basically so long as the fruits used in my fruit juice aren't fresh, I get very upset and annoyed.

7) People who use wrong chords to harmonize when playing the piano (major turn off cannot take it)

8) People who always have their two cents worth no matter what ESPECIALLY when relating to university courses...

Eg people who always say things like "Huh you want to take psychology but have to study so many years leh because blah blah blah cannot be clinical psychologist blah blah blah" omg CANNOT TAKE IT. Not that I wanna take psych lah I was intending to actually but after finding out that one has to be good in stats, I changed my mind immediately cos I'm not a maths person.

9) When I see dead ants floating in my cup of water.

10) Bad customer service.

11) When I cannot get to shake my leg hahaha oops.

12) People who leave FB/MSN conversations without saying bye. Hahaha I'm actually very guilty of this too.

13) When people use words like "wit" (with), "hahax", "lolx", "ish", when"i" or the first letter of a sentence isn't capitalized...

14) Ridiculous Facebook names where people insert totally irrelevant words in the middle or after their names. I just cannot understand it...why? WHY those absurd names why?!?!?! Omg I can feel my blood pressure rising at the thought of it.

15) When people go on and on about their "bias"... very annoying. >:(

16) Cheesy songs eg. NDP fun pack song. It was hilarious for a day..but now I'm extremely upset with the people who thought of it and with the people who actually approved of it because it really is an embarrassment to us Singaporeans sigh.

17) When my food isn't served piping hot.

18) Uncooperative people esp in group work.

19) When people comment on my body...sensitive topic for all girls lah.

20) When I fail to help someone. I'm the kind who tends to take other people's worries/problems and treat them as my own and try extremely hard to help them and when I fail... I get annoyed with myself.

3 more hours to next lesson! Another 6 more hours before I head to meet my friends! I can do this!!

2011-07-06T03:38:00.001-07:00

Don't know what to expect anymore.

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Pathetic day

2011-07-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

Dragged myself out of bed, walked groggily to the bus stop, spent the next few hours doing notes, printed and nearly went mad (I hate the feel of paper), lessons, printed more notes, lesson again, grabbed lunch, gobbled it down at the bus stop, bus arrived, quickly packed what's left of my lunch and hopped on the bus, alighted at Tanah Merah, stood next to a dustbin and wolfed down the remaining lunch, walked and rolled my handroll (lol is that how you describe it), chomped it down hungrily, gobbled the second one equally as fast, rushed to student's house, taught and nearly fell asleep (couldn't keep up with their enthusiasm), rushed home, settled orientation stuff...

And that is how I spent my pathetic day BUT it was brightened up by the NDP video omg hilarious I was sitting all alone in the dance studio laughing and laughing and laughing to myself.

Doras for a day

2011-07-03T20:51:00.001-07:00

Smile until no eyes.

Nostalgia?

Nearly died when I saw the ice skating rink at MBS...

Seeing such glass bottles always makes me tingle with excitement I don't know why.

So yesterday ended off pretty well after all. Met up with Sab and she took me around to places I've not been to before! So exciting hahaha. Gotta start consolidating a list of to-visit places in Singapore. That is, if we both have time to spare. She's gonna start her internship and I'm gonna be busy with the upcoming vcf camp + orientation.

And so it has been confirmed that I'm gonna be the aogl for orientation. Still grappling with that fact cos I try to steer away from leadership positions as much as possible. I mean..me? A leader?? Betcha raising your eyebrows. But I guess there's a first time for everything. To those who nominated me... thank you man... you guys believe in me when I don't even believe in myself lol!

I have my doubts honestly... leading a group of freshies together with Kaijie (the ogl hurhur) and being a freshie myself isn't going to be easy. However, I trust that I'm gonna have the help of the seniors to tide me through. Of course, I'm really stocked as well. I love new challenges and I can feel myself all raring to go.

Really excited for orientation and I truly hope that it will not only be a blast for me, but for everyone else as well. ;)

FML

2011-07-02T22:36:00.001-07:00

Need a break from this family. Its getting on my nerves. Its always about not having enough money, having to worry about monthly expenses, making ends meet. When looking from a bigger perspective, I'm earning peanuts. Pea nuts. When I see my mother all stressed about my uni expenses it iriritates me so bad... I just wanna study happily. Is it the hard?! She's transferring all her worries to me. I desperately wish that she was..stronger...because her insecurity affects me so bad. Right now without my father by my side, I feel as if I've lost my...rock, my anchor. No one to sing me Christian songs when I'm down, no one to allay my fears and worries by offering me bible verses... Feels like the family's foundation has been shaken. Feels like I'm all alone at times. Sucks not to have a fatherly figure at home. Sucks very badly. Screw all the financial aid applications. Screw it. I'm sick and tired of it.

Just left my crying mother cos I can't deal with it. I am a horrible daughter. I don't deserve all the blessings I've received so far.

Sorry v incoherent. Too tired to think properly...

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Random

2011-07-01T21:56:00.004-07:00

Have been eating and eating and eating these few days. Found some random pictures in my camera so....

All time favourite cake from Polar.

Favourite snack. Can eat 5-6 packets in a day.

Ok random picture of me hahahahahaha.

What a retarded post...

Funny conversations

2011-06-30T18:28:00.001-07:00

Lol. TGIF! Can't wait for the weekends. For some weird reason, this week felt really long.

Signs that my period is coming

2011-06-30T04:19:00.001-07:00

1) Cannot stop eating

2) Feel depressed about everything in life for no reason

3) Easily agitated and upset

4) Moody, grouchy, emotional, quick tempered

5) Always on the verge of crying

Exactly how I'm feeling now. It's damn bad.

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What I hope to take away from uni

2011-06-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

A few more weeks before orientation 2011 commences...and then the whole academic thing begins.

I feel psyched, determined, excited at the thought of finally being able to study something of my interest, excited for a happening uni life, excited at the thought of the new bonds I'll forge with my new friends (but still staying close to those who have stood by me all these years). In short, I feel enthusiastic. However, amidst all these feelings of excitement, there's this feeling of trepidation within me. This is gonna sound really stupid and trivial but... I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope. I'm afraid that things are gonna get too...intellectual for my puny brain to absorb. I'm not the smartest person you can find and my (slightly above average) results so far have been by the grace and mercy of God, I must emphasize. I'm the kind who always screws tests/exams up...only to perform surprisingly ok for the real exam and trust me...its not a nice feeling to have to go through that whole period of uncertainty and frustration.

Nearly died studying for As already... honestly don't think I'll be able to handle the stress and the academic rigour in uni but we'll see how things go and...have faith!!

Trivial worries aside, I'm really looking forward to the whole uni experience. Signing up for arts camp was the best decision I have made so far. Taking that one chance to step out of my comfort zone and forcing myself to socialize + make new friends really paid off. The whole experience beats TJ's orientation hands down. I've forged bonds with people to the point where I even poured out my troubles to them and sought advice + a listening ear. The people there were really warm and surprisingly (sorry I always have this warped mentality that people at NUS are proud and arrogant oops) friendly and easygoing. Of course... I guess what I have seen in NUS is only the tip of the iceberg...definitely gonna meet people that turns me off...but I'm thankful that so far, the people I've met have been really nice and sweet to me. :)

I hope to enjoy what I choose to major in eventually, I hope to grow closer to God and have rock solid fellowship with people (hate to say this but spending 19 years of my life in this church, I have never had any form of good fellowship with anyone before sigh), I hope to be more independent, more confident and show more zest towards life. I hope that I'll finally be able to fully understand that doing well academically is not everything in life and just trying my best and learning to be satisfied no matter what the results are is the most important. It's very hard...considering how I take studies very seriously..too seriously in fact, at the expense of my health sometimes zzz. and

Most most most importantly... I hope to forge close bonds with the people spending the next 3-4 years with me at NUS. At the end of the day...you can have everything in life but without friends, life will feel quite meaningless. Agree?

Sigh

2011-06-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm still black.

I wanna go out so badly...to shop, to window shop, catch a movie, eat, hang out, chill.... anything.

Feels like I'm wasting my life all over again... sigh.

Okok time to get organized. Today I will...

1) Prac piano and master at least 2 of my pieces

2) Plan for tomorrow's tuition

3) Complete at least one theory paper

Yup! I'm getting very sick of my attitude already...always procrastinating and leaving things to the last minute. Trying very hard to change but...my efforts are quite futile so far zzz.

Too nice for my own good

2011-06-27T22:59:00.001-07:00

I hate how I'm always giving in to people, how I always try my best to put myself in the other party's shoes at my own expense, knowing that I'll get hurt eventually but still going ahead with it anyway.

I'm sick of always being the nice person.

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Lesson learnt.

2011-06-27T21:23:00.001-07:00

I am very ashamed to say that I failed my FTT. 44/50... I'm terribly upset. I admit I was extremely complacent...thinking that such things were beneath me, resulting in the last minute rush from 11 to 1 am to study for it yesterday.

I was so wrong man... The huge FAIL (in caps, in red, to make things worse) sent me speechless cos I was so over confident that I'd pass. I mean, who the hell fails ftt?!?!

I grabbed my bag and rushed out in humiliation.

In the bus when I calmed down to think about it, I'm actually glad this happened. It really reminded me of what humility means...to not have that much pride in myself...to not be so complacent and to never ever do things at the last minute. Funny how I was quarrelling with my mother just yesterday night on my slipshot and last minute attitude in everything I do. I even retorted (angrily) "Stop caring about me I like to do things last minute that's me at least I'll still get things done".

What a funny turn of events....

Oh well. Painful lesson learnt. But at least I'm willing to face up to it and try to change for the better.

Time to really work my ass off for the upcoming music exams. I have been too proud, always stupidly thinking that music is my thing and that I'll breeze through the exams.

Gah still damn upset about my failure tbh. I hate failing. I remember how back in sec school, whenever I failed a test, I'll just clam up and refuse to talk to anyone. It'll then be followed by a bingeing session all by myself before heading for a good sleep. I feel like doing that now...just that I have piano with the 2 boys later in the afternoon followed by.tuition at night. Gahhhhhh. The whole should- I - drop - all - my - students - or - not issue is vexing me. V tempted to stop teaching all of them but the responsible side of me is pulling me in the other direction. What to do what to do....

Ok shit right now as I'm seated in the train, I have this strong urge to burst out in laughter. I mean...

Who the heck fails ftt?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

--

Just shopped for snacks and bought cheezels, 12 packs of hello Panda and some chocolate favoured biscuits for $4.70!!! Feeling v happy now yay I love how small things in life can make me so satisfied + happy. :-)

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Sobz

2011-06-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

Hi blog.

I feel quite upset and disoriented today. The aircon refused to work and everyone was sweating profusely (especially me) in the room, the students got so fidgety cos of the heat, my computer shut down halfway in class, the Youtube video didn't finish loading and it stopped halfway when I was showing it to the class, a student said "Listen to Obama" and I believe he was talking about me cos I'm damn black now sob, I raised my voice till my throat hurt quite badly...

Life sucks. I need a hug now. :'(

Oh well at least I'm done with the sec ones today. Chillin in the midi lab with some students and feeling much better now.

Jeslyn...cannot give up!!

We whip our hair back and forth...

2011-06-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

Loving the 7 fps function on my cam...

Thanks guys for the outing. See ya all this Saturday!

Inner...peace.

2011-06-25T05:14:00.001-07:00

If there's one thing I really want in life, its to be happy. So simple yet so elusive because of my high expectations (for myself, for others) in everything that I do. I wish I could take things easier and not let my expectations always get to me.

School is reopening soon and I was very tempted not to continue teaching for 2 more weeks cos I don't really like the environment in PRCS to be brutally honest. But since I have committed, I can't back out now... 2 more weeks...2 more weeks... I can do it!! Must stay positive no matter how life throws shit at you.

After arts camp, have been busy whatsapping/smsing/facebooking/chatting with my OG people. My phone hasn't stopped buzzing and I am always frantically trying to reply all their messages. I like it actually but sometimes technology scares me (see the rate at which it is advancing.) Time to turn off my 3G, turn on some soothing music and search for my inner peace....

Burnt

2011-06-23T23:34:00.001-07:00

V self conscious of my burn urgh.

See my cui face?! SEE MY CUI FACE?!?!?! I looked like I just cried the whole night. SOB. See that ugly tan below my neck...sigh. Ok I sound damn bimbotic here. -_- I don't even recognize myself when I look into the mirror...

This week has been really happening...a huge contrast to the previous weeks where I was wasting my time and life away. I love to be kept busy. I love running around from one place to another and getting things done. Guess all of you know by now that I cannot keep still which explains why I'm always shaking my leg.

Outing with MEP people tomorrow...time to get burnt again but I'm not complaining. Fun under the sun with good friends...what more can I ask for? Life is pretty good for now.

Have been really tight on cash these few days and it sucks. I hate this feeling of uncertainty the family is feeling. I hate how we're depending on so many people just to make ends meet every single month. It's not that I'm not thankful, I am. In fact, I am so, so thankful to everyone of them. It's just that...I hate that feeling of obligation. I grew up hardly asking my parents for anything cos I know that my father's the sole breadwinner and I didn't wanna burden him with my materialistic wants. Now that I'm earning, I start spending more (esp on clothes) and its high time I stop my impulsive spending. Time and again I wish we were financially stable, that wanting something wouldn't be so difficult, that money would be the least of our worries but no, things just doesn't work that way for my family.

But I guess... things do happen for a reason. At least I am very terribly determined to make my mark in life (still v confused about what I want in life but I have faith) and earn a decent sum when I grow up. No more depending on others to make ends meet. I'll give my parents a good life when they're old. I just hope my father lives long enough to see it happen...

Ok emo period over. Time to hit the bed (Lol I am damn loser I've clocked over 20 hours of sleep and I'm still in need of more) and prepare for driving lesson later. Speaking of which...I think I gotta stop lessons already. Really tight on cash. Sigh...

And so it ended

2011-06-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I forced myself to step out of my comfort zone. I'm glad I made the choice to attend this camp... it has been one of the best camps I have ever attended in my life. I got down and dirty, I cheered so enthusiastically and screamed till my throat hurt, I got bruised, hit, terribly burnt (its damn bad my mother got a shock when she saw me), dunked into the sea twice, danced like I never did before, laughed till my stomach hurt, made new friends...

I'm thankful. Thankful to the seniors for being so friendly and warm and helping to allay my fears when I first stepped into the camp. At least I know I have seniors to turn to whenever I'm feeling lost. I was really touched when one of my senior told me this:

"we're always here for advice

not say i v.good also la

but when the time comes, and you need help. you know who to turn to"

Thank you seniors!! Your dedication and love for our house really warmed my heart and this was the reason why I decided to sign up as an aogl. Once again, another chance to step out of my comfort zone and take on a leadership role...something I have always tried my best to avoid. (sorry guys I'm still not confident of being an OGL. I think a guy should do it cos I'm really hot headed and tend to follow my heart rather than my head) Really looking forward to orientation now!

As for my SP (secret pal), things didn't turn out that badly after all! It was kinda awkward at first but...things turned out fine eventually. Thank God that we had many similarities. (like our dislike for loud music, how we try our best to steer clear of alcohol etc.) We ended up talking for over 3 hours so yay to us!!

Here's my SP! He's a nice guy! (Btw see how black I am)

My first two friends I made on the first day. We hit it off immediately and its amazing how I can be so crazy and nonsensical in front of them despite knowing them for merely 5 days.

So, to wrap it up, the past few days were great. Next up, orientation. ;)

Day 3 at camp

2011-06-20T18:41:00.001-07:00

Its day 3 and I am shagged. Lack of sleep plus walking everywhere under the sun is kinda taking its toll on me. But I'm glad I made the choice to attend this camp. I cheered like I never did before and am trying v hard to lose my voice but my efforts are rather futile :(

Secret pal's gonna be revealed today (Its like this dating game where we're blindfolded and we have to hold hands and interact with each other wth) and the only few things I know about him is that he's from rj and a basketballer :O

Hope it won't be awkward later on!

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Tomorrow is dee day

2011-06-17T15:44:00.000-07:00

Oh no NUS Arts camp is tomorrow!

Trepidation + excitement.... don't know what to expect. Orientation experience at TJ wasn't really good...almost everyone had their own little clique in my OG and I felt terribly out of place. I hope the same thing won't happen again. Plz constantly sms/whatsapp me during camp though!!

Was playing the piano at 2 am plus just now and suddenly remembered composing this song back in 2009. Thought I'd share it with you guys cos I think none of my friends have heard my compositions before (with the exception of MEP people who have heard my A level compositions but those compositions were totally not my style cos I had a guideline to follow eg. rhythm, texture, instrumentation etc.)

THIS is my style, emo momo songs with much emphasis placed on the melodic line. A lil similar to Yiruma's style imo. Quality is not good coz I used my mp3 to record..but its the best I could achieve. It's not the best I have played honestly. Made some mistakes here and there too (hear the "aiyo" halfway when I was playing hehe) cos I was trying v hard to play as softly as possible (super paranoid that neighbours were gonna complain) at 2am in the morning!

MyJourney.mp3

Yeah I know some of you might have heard it before. Performed this piece during 2009 speech day. The title wasn't thought by me actually...I am horribly unoriginal when it comes to titles and stuff.

How do you find it? :O

♥ ♥ ♥

2011-06-17T01:10:00.000-07:00

Remember the cockboard I got some time back??? It was rather empty at that point in time but its now starting to get quite packed and I'm v happy about it!! Here it is perched at the top of the...er, powerpoint hahahahhaha sorry lah!!

From Yu Jeen. Omg haven't heard from him for ages. And yes I was known as the pervert of the class but it was due to a series of unfortunate events!! Totally not intentional. Ok lah I will just tell you what happened. It's quite funny actually.

We were playing captain's ball during PE and I can't really remember what I was doing but I swung my arm back and it hit...Chor Hung's ahem. LOL DAMN FUNNY I TELL YOU I WAS HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER ON THE FLOOR. I can still remember Chor Hung's look of pain and the grimace he had on his face while clutching his down there.

The second time, it was during GP lesson in J1. I was giving out the GP essays to the class when I came across Joshua's paper. He didn't staple his 2 page essay and while passing the papers to him, I was busy looking at the next essay on hand and absentmindedly commented "Eh Joshua, why you never staple your thing..." Don't know what I was thinking but the word "paper" just didn't come to me at that point in time.

You can imagine what happened next.

So...yes I was named Pervert/Perv from then on.

Letter from one of my fave (and I believe everyone else's too) teacher in TJ. Ok about the sweet natured part er... debatable I guess. But the word "sweet" has always appeared in my report book under the teacher's comments, so....

Reading this always makes me wanna cry. GH what would I have done without you in TJ?! You (and the rest of our gang) made life so much bearable for me in TJ... words cannot describe how awesome you are, always putting others above yourself. That is something I must really learn from you.

MEP group shot at Pizza Hut. (Super cui face of mine but whatever lah I have cui face 24/7.) Miss them a lot...Bertram is MIA. Ernest was MIA until yesterday when I contacted him. Andrea is kinda MIA too. Only Whimsy's and Alastair's presence are still felt. Damn sad...

(Btw, totally irrelevant here but lovin whatsapp cos I get to chat with Whimsy!!!)

Ok this is quite random hahaha. NUS arts camp in one day oh no...

Lastly...thanks Sak for this gift I love it to bits and pieces. Really. Its nestled right on top of my piano. Even though it broke, I really don't mind at all. The fact that its imperfect makes it all the more perfect to me..so cheesy but I mean it! ;)

Ok that's all for now tomorrow's gonna be spent packing urgh I hate packing coz I'm super careless and ALWAYS leave things out. 5 days worth of outfits... what to wear what to wear what to wear?!

Good night!

Materialistic wants

2011-06-16T14:56:00.000-07:00

I need...

1) Nice pouch for my phone and mp3.

2) Denim shorts

3) Strap for my phone

4) Fbts

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Clearing the cupboard

2011-06-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

Have been talking about getting a new cupboard since I don't know when cos I have been buying too many new clothes and my existing cupboard is packed. (Lol I sound like I have a lot of clothes but really, I dont.)

Decided to clear my cupboard yesterday and spent a good 2 hours plus packing, sorting, clearing my clothes + cleaning the shelves of the cupboard.

I was rather appalled coz I found clothes that I wore when I was really young all stuffed in one corner. I found uniforms and undergarments (hahahaha damn funny I was sitting in the pile of all my clothes and laughing to myself) that date back to....the 1990s. Super gross.

At one point in time, my mother stood at the door watching me pack and saw all my old uniforms and clothes. She commented that time flew by so fast and I have "长大" already. Nostalgia kinda hit me at that point in time. Indeed time has flown by. Gonna start uni in... 1 month plus. It just feels like last week when people were congratulating me/shaking my hand on completing A levels and getting through one of the (supposedly) toughest examination in my life (Although I kinda beg to differ after hearing horror stories of uni life).

Just last week, an aunty from church came up to me and said "要开学 liao hor".

I just can't come to terms with how its already June.

Anyway, some peektures to share!

Just the beginning. More clothes were strewn everywhere on the floor later on.

PAP uniform.

Primary school uniform. Grew up attending neighbourhood schools.

Most of my tops. Being the materialistic person I am... TOO FEW TOO FEW. Need to earn more money and shop for more.

Lol damn funny I think I wore this when I was...4? 5? 6? Really cannot remember.

Testing

2011-06-14T00:11:00.001-07:00

Thought this was a rather nice pic. (:

Younger days

2011-06-12T21:20:00.002-07:00

I love looking through the (unfortunately) few photo albums my family own. It contains pictures of me and my brother when we were young. It's nice to see how much we have changed in terms of appearance...although I don't think I have changed that much. From family trips overseas to birthday celebrations, I am always amazed that I don't have any recollection of those events that happened. I have a terrible memory and thank God for the invention of the camera...its wonderful how a picture can capture a memory right at that point in time and how this memory/picture can transcend time and age...

This morning, I chanced upon a photo album containing pictures of my parents during their courtship days. It felt...funny, seeing your parents so young and and full of vitality...living life to their fullest. Their happiness shone through the pictures and it kinda made me feel happy looking at those pics. It really shed new light and created new perspectives for me man... All these while, my parents were just...parents. In my eyes, they were just mere adults; someone I could always turn to for help and someone I could be completely comfortable around.

Looking at those pictures, it reminded me that my parents actually had a life, that they were just like me, people with hopes and dreams and ambitions for the future, just like how I am currently feeling now.

I admit I have been a terrible daughter these few weeks, constantly snapping/losing my temper at my mother and knowing very well that I have hurt her with my rude and curt comments. I feel bad. I'm trying to change. (and that's why I just offered to help her vacuum the floor hahaha quite lame lah) I owe my parents A LOT and I thank God for them.

Anyhow, I decided to share some of the pics. Wanted to post more but I'm too impatient to scan more pictures so...4 will suffice I guess.

Seriously lah...no change in my face right?

I uploaded this coz I thought my brother looked really cute...see those drooping fat cheeks hahaha. I always ask him "Eh what happened to you why now so ugly" HAHAHAHA of coz I'm just saying it in jest lah.

I think this is a pretty nice picture of us...just that my mother has her really cui face on. I promise she looks much better than this...gotta go find some nicer pics of her. I think my father looks really good in this picture... guess that's where I got my good looks from LOL ok just kidding.

NUS Arts camp in 5 days. Bummer. Wondered what I was thinking when I signed up for it. Hate overnight camps urgh. I don't want to be match made. So, to avoid it, Joyce suggested that we tell everyone that we're either

1) Attached or

2) Lesbians.

Lol ok bye!

Die

2011-06-08T23:47:00.000-07:00

Homg this is v v v v v v v v v v v v v v bad. VERY BAD. VERY VERY VERY BAD. SHIT THIS IS SCARING ME.

2011-06-07T00:24:00.000-07:00

I thought this was really sweet. :)

Monday

2011-06-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

Hello! Just got back from Arina's house for some baking + chilling. Off for a swim now...finally exercising after 10000000000000 years. I feel so grossed out with myself seriously.

Kinda regretted signing up for the NUS arts camp. Dreading it like mad coz I hate camps. Hate all these social activities. Super lazy to make new friends and introduce myself to people all over again but I guess this is inevitable in life.... Can't back out now or else its 75 bucks down the drain... urgh.

Can't wait for June to pass... v bored with life. I'd rather be teaching (and getting tortured by students) actually.

Ok short post gtg now bye!!

Thoughts at 12 am.

2011-06-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

The day he broke up with me I told myself that I wouldn't fall in love again. It was too painful. Oh god I can still remember the searing pain that shot through my chest. I was lying in my bed when I received that sms....and then I started sobbing silently (and violently). It was heart wrenching and was one of the worst pain I ever felt in my life. It felt as if my heart was tearing apart (and that's an understatement actually) and...I just remembered crying and crying and crying and crying. And crying.

God, how did I even get through that period?? I look back and I am stunned. How did I manage to survive J2 seeing him every single day?! I'm amazed that its all over, that I pulled through that terrible period. Many a times I broke down in school coz I couldn't take the pain but...life went on. Time passed. It hurt like crap and I cried myself to sleep so many times till I couldn't attend school the following day coz my eyes were too swollen in the morning. (And yes, that is why I emphasize again that my A level results were a miracle coz of all the lessons I missed)

Thank God for the good friends I made in TJ. Really v appreciative of them... they stood by me and their presence was always a soothing form of comfort to me.

And that's why I protect myself now. Scared of getting hurt again. Cannot afford to get hurt anymore. I don't have the energy and the strength to go through what I went through last year. Too painful. Too draining emotionally. Too tiring.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this personal experience of mine on my blog. Sometimes I think I blog things that are too personal. I guess its coz time has passed and I'm now able to face up to it bravely. Blogging comforts me...its therapeutic. It helps me sort out my thoughts, it gives me an avenue to reflect, to think, to vent, to see my life/experiences all typed out neatly in words, to be thankful and appreciative (though I complain now and then) for what I have in life. It's like my life, packed into this small little space...displayed on the web for all to see. It's nice when people drop lil comments now and then too...makes me happy to know that they are taking time to read what I have to share about my (boring) life.

A few days back, Jasmine and I were just saying how its better to remain single. No heart pain, no bouts of feeling hurt, no expectations, no disappointments, no quarrels, no fights...

Lol sorry feeling quite disillusioned @ 12 am over all the lovey dovey crap.

Peektures (and some videos) in my phone

2011-06-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

I have pictures in my phone that date back all the way to...J1. Just thought I'll share them with you even though the pics aren't really that interesting haha. These pictures mostly captured the times when I was in TJ...and it feels kinda nice to take them out and...relive those days? Hahaha. It brings back good and bad memories though... But its true how they always say that you'll look back at your experiences/memories with rose tinted glasses so things always seem better in retrospect. It's that way for me, that is.

Pardon the poor quality, its taken using my lousy 2 mp phone camera.

At the arts hub aka my favourite place in TJ.

Mugging days. Felt too stifled studying in my room so I "shifted" to the dining table instead. Not exactly the best place to mug but it kinda worked for me. ^^

Farewell gifts (chocolates) + notes for MEP people. The chocolates were specially chosen with each person in mind ok! For example, Ernest reminds me of the colour green (for some weird reason) and that's why I got him the Milo choc with its shiny green wrapper. Bertram likes purple and hence I chose the chocettes for him. V lame I know.

Gifts + handwritten notes for my friends in 28/09!

Composing horror. See the comments in green? Oh man I HATED it when I got back my composition and write up only to find the need to correct them over and over and over again.

Got sick and tired of people leaving flyers outside our house so I cut out a picture of a guy, drew a speech bubble, cut it out and then wrote "Please do not dump flyers here!" It kinda worked for a while...but then they decided to ignore me (which explains the 3 pieces of paper you see in the picture lol what an irony). Now, they stuff it in between the gates instead. -_- The guy's still stuck on the wall outside my house cos I think its quite funny actually.

My obsession with green highlighters. Somehow, highlighting helps me retain facts better. I think in J2, I've used more highlighters than what you see above...

Ahh this picture. I remember feeling horribly stupid/dumb during Econs tuition (don't talk to me about it it brings back bad memories), got really upset, wrote "I'm stupid" on my paper, suddenly felt indignant about it, refused to admit defeat, added in the carrot sign and wrote the word "not". (Chants U to B, U to B, U to B.... hahhahahah ok wth)

Random picture taken while waiting for Econs tuition to start. I can't help saying this but...I love Pasir Ris! I think its super clean + new. Wouldn't mind living here for the rest of my life.

Hee I've posted this before. Self motivation works!

See my pained expression. This was taken during MCTs last year. Nearly went mad studying for Econs which I failed (for MCTs) anyway (U to B, U to B, U to B.... HAHAHHHA OK I WILL STOP THIS NOW.)

Ahhhh! Me and Sudi's favourite teacher! We were raving about how cute this teacher was. I don't mean cute in the handsome way but cute like...Yam Ah Mee. We tried taking pictures of him during maths tutorial. Lol!!

And another one... Now all you guys are gonna think that we are teenagers with serious problems.

While people were reading Broader Perspectives/Time/Newsweek in the TJ library, this was the magazine I always read. (Was kinda obsessed over all these tech stuff last year.)

I found some videos in my phone too... These were supposed to be pictures but my phone was in video mode so my brother turned out taking videos of me (just smiling like a retard) instead. Don't you hate it when this happens?!

So retarded...totally.

And how can I forget the crazy MEP people that got through 2 years with me???

I miss the craziness.

Friday

2011-06-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

It's friday...again.

As I'm typing this, songs of praise and worship are flowing into my house. The family living opposite me is having their monthly fellowship. I feel comforted and touched (christian songs never fail to make me tear up dunno why) and yet, I am reminded of how...unfruitful my spiritual life is at the moment. My relationship w God fluctuates so wildly it scares me. I can be so close to him one moment and the next moment...it feels as if I've drifted away from him completely. Really dunno what to do about it. It has been bothering me for quite awhile...

Time really flies so fast to the point that it scares me. I still remember the sense of jubilation and relief I felt after my last paper last year (wow it feels weird saying "last year" it felt as if I took my A levels this year!!) and now, its already the month of June. 2 more months before uni starts. Oh God... waves of apprehension are beginning to set in and I really wonder how I'm gonna fit into uni life. I'm not that sociable and I hate stepping out of my comfort zone so I think the adjusting period is gonna be quite bad. Being more kiasu this time, I signed up for NUS arts camp (and paid 75 freaking bucks wth) hoping that I'll make some friends + warm up to NUS's culture before the whole orientation/term begins. Honestly I'm not too keen on the camp but... I guess its time I step out of my comfort zone and take a chance!

I take comfort in what Guan Hong told me the other day, something about how I might be apprehensive about uni but after all that I've been through, things will be fine. Yes they will. No matter how tough things get, I won't give up. I'll fight and press on because its unlike me to give up halfway plus there's always this fiery determination within me.

Lol I'm painting such a pessimistic and negative view of uni before it even begins but that's my coping mechanism I guess. I try not to expect too much and always prepare myself for the worst so that when things turn out better than expected, at least I'll be thankful. Not exactly a great way to face things but it works for me so.... yup!

I'm seriously contemplating on a short getaway with some close friends. Haven't step out of Singapore for a few years ever since my father was sick. Every time I bring up this idea to my mother, she'll brush me off and reject it immediately, saying things like "what if something happens to your father while you're away...how are you gonna fly back?" On one hand I agree with her. On the other hand, I suddenly feel really tired of...things and I honestly need a break. But I guess it won't work out eventually cos everyone's busy. It's so freaking hard to get all of us to meet up in Singapore. What more a trip overseas? But this is something I really want so, so badly and I'm really hoping/praying for the best.

Not exactly in the best of moods these few days. On a happier note, looking at this picture kinda cheers me up. A picture of 2 of my v good friends whom I can tell anything to. Like, anything. Look at my retarded face haha...

Fml just brought up idea of going overseas to my mother and got a telling off. Fml seriously. Fml.

Urgh.

WIsh you were here

2011-06-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

I can be tough, I can be strong

But with you it's not like that at all
There's a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall, you've just walked through it

And I remember all those crazy things you said, you left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here

I love the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy things you said, you left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here
All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you to know
That I never wanna let go
Let go, oh oh

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you to know
That I never wanna let go
(Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go..)

Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here
Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you here, here, here, I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn, what I'd do to have you near, near, near, I wish you were here

----

Song stuck in my head since morning. Kinda echos my thoughts now.

Seriously...

2011-06-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

Whutttt??????????????

So all that binging the past few months made me heavier by... 1 kg. (Lost 1 kg during the A level period). This is so bizarre, I don't even know what's happening to my body. I'm not complaining though... its nice to eat all I want and not pile on those weights. However, my appetite these days has been really terrible...its unlike me to not finish my food and even being able to skip lunch or dinner. Really dunno wassup with my body. Speaking of which, my exercise plan failed terribly.

V upset with myself.

Turnaround.

2011-06-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

Started off today feeling extremely cranky and shitty (which explains the previous blogpost). Snapped at my mother and brother at the slightest thing and just stayed moody the whole morning + early afternoon. Sulked around like a spoilt brat and dragged myself to school.

It was a fruitful trip. After such a long time, I finally enjoyed teaching. I love how everyone came up with different melodic ideas, and how I tried my best to shape their melody and help them improve on their composition.

Dress arrived today and I'm glad it fits me.

Tired

2011-05-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

So many things I want to say and pour out but I just can't seem to find the words to express my thoughts. Perhaps I don't dare to pour it out here, knowing that there are strangers reading my blog. V tired of always feeling the way I feel, especially now. Thought 2 years of feeling that way in JC was more than enough but I'm feeling it all over again. I seek solace in playing the piano/avril songs/sleeping but that only helps for awhile. Can't wait to meet gh to pour out all my woes to her.

Lol I sound like some emo kid.

Gonna take a short nap now... I always feel much better after sleeping. After that, gotta head down to school. Kinda looking forward to help the sec 4s in their compositions cos...I guess composing is one of the (few) things I'm good at. Even so, inspiration hardly strikes and its quite sad.

Dunno what I'm doing with my life man seriously.

2011-05-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

Date with a guy after more than a year since the breakup.

I've moved on already. :)

Friday!

2011-05-27T04:16:00.000-07:00

Hello! Here's another retarded picture for you to see you through the weekends...hahaha! I have yet to get over Scotty's win (I was so overjoyed I cried wth?!). This year's AI was awesome. The talent was so amazing and...raw. The music was top notch, which once again explains why I look up to the west, music wise.

TGIF! It's gonna be a long day tomorrow. Tuition in the morning, signing up for NUS arts camp, flea and then dinner with my teachers at night. I hope it'll be fun.

Really enjoying every bit of this long break.

Made my day

2011-05-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

This little 5 year old kid you see in the video (Joel) and his brother always brighten my day. They are adorable!

Watch how Joel attempts to play a piece that I just taught him. It's pretty choppy but not too bad. He's amazing cos his sight reading skill is near superb and he is only 5!! The only thing is that his fingers are still pretty weak and coupled with his small frame, he doesn't have much strength to press the keys, which explains his jerky shoulder movements. Other than that, I'd think that this kid is pretty musical, and I'm glad. ;) By the way, I don't know WHY I sound so weird in this video. I don't sound like that in real life I promise!!

I smile to myself everytime I watch the part where he pointed to the note he didn't know. Usually he would just ask me but knowing that I was taking a video, he didn't want to make a sound. Too cute!

I love teaching these 2 kids but sometimes, they suck up all my energy. Their attention span is very short (notice how Joel kept fidgeting and even stood up at one point in time) and I have to consistently think of interesting ways to get their attention back. Things like "Oh Joel you gotta kill the ant!!" works when I'm trying to get him to play a dotted crotchet and a quaver. You know how we count "one and two and..." in music? Yeah, I changed the "and" to "ant", so pressing the note on an "and" = "killing" the "ant" (and).

LOL DO YOU EVEN GET WHAT I MEAN?!?!?!??!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA. It sounds so funny now that I'm typing it out. But it works!! Kudos to...me! Ok that was lame hahaha.

On another note, driving lesson today was great. Thank God for the nice instructors I have been assigned to so far. I finally got to drive outside and enjoyed myself tremendously. It's funny how I seem to enjoy driving that much, even though I made a fatal (and horribly embarrassing) mistake of activating the windscreen wiper when the instructor told me to signal right. He was like :O and I was like HAHAHA. Driving is...therapeutic and I love the sense of control I have over the vehicle. I plan to take my lessons slowly...no rush man. V certain that I wouldn't complete my lessons by the time uni starts but that's ok!

And to those people out there who have constantly been poisoning my mind about the benefits of learning how to drive a manual car and look down on auto noobies like me, YOU ARE SO WRONG. You CAN drive overseas even if you learn under auto. You just gotta apply for an international license, according to the instructor. Glad I made the right choice in choosing auto after all!

When in the office...

2011-05-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

When armed with a laptop and left with more than an hour to spare....

Ok seriously cannot believe I'm 19. I'm amazed at the childish things I do everyday.

I love funny Facebook conversations

2011-05-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

(LOL The Two Of Us geddit geddit geddit shit I'm laughing to myself!!!!)

This is too funny! I can't stop laughing to myself. I have the weirdest sense of humor and I pity my friends who always have to tolerate all my nonsense (eg. sudden abrupt outburst of laughter for reasons only beknownst to me).

Things that people find funny, I do not. Things that people feel aren't funny at all, I can laugh for hours.

Sucks when I tell a joke to someone and he/she just stones at me while I'm laughing hysterically away! D:

2011-05-24T07:32:00.001-07:00

Lol the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment.

Decision

2011-05-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

There is this nagging feeling at the back of my mind telling me that I'm doing something wrong, that I should be pursuing music instead, that FASS is a wrong choice. When such thoughts appear, I'll usually counter them with the horrible experiences I had studying music for A levels. I'll convince myself that I'm not good enough to pursue music, that I'll be better off doing something else.

(But deep down in my heart, I have a feeling that at the end of the day, my career's gonna revolve around music. Somehow, it feels soothing and comforting. I love music and I guess that its the only thing I'm ever gonna do well in in my life.)

I feel like I'm burying this talent deep inside my heart for safe keeping and protection. I cannot afford to get hurt in this area anymore. I guess I'll give other subjects a chance, graduate and then continue to pursue music at a higher level. Yes that's what I'll do. I've decided. If it goes according to God's plans, then I'm all for it.

The future currently seems like...a huge blank canvas, on which colours of new experiences, challenges, difficulties, hopes, dreams, worries, failures and successes are to be painted on. I tingle with excitement at the thought of it and I fear for it at the same time. Sucks to be worrying about my life 50% of the time because I just know that things will work out eventually. Sucks even more to look back and feel stupid for worrying unnecessarily.

Sorry! Feeling rather pensive right now.

Ok, just saw this on Tumblr.

How true.

Urgh

2011-05-22T09:25:00.001-07:00

It says: "o session available from 23 May 2011 to 31 Jul 2011."

Highly irritated because it is almost impossible to book a slot for my lesson. Looks like I'm gonna take ages to complete all my lessons....sigh.

Need to organize the things in my brain.

2011-05-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

1) So happy!

2) So, so happy!!

3) Life sucks I have to wake up early for FASS open house tomorrow.

4) I should be contented.

5) I hate photocopy machines.

6) Sakshi sucks she kept tugging at my "top" today.

7) Why are there no slots for driving? It's so annoying!!

8) Kinda apprehensive about my future.

9) Love Nicole's new book.

10) Really hope that me and Sakshi will be future classmates. :(

11) Composed a new song today, will let you guys hear it soon!!

12) Stayed up till 2 plus to mark 100 plus scripts yesterday. Tired.

13) Starting to think that make-up is a must for girls after all... >:(

14) Starting to assimilate into my surroundings...but its sad cos next week is gonna be my last week?

15) I love channel 8's 9pm show I am hardcore fan.

Ok my brain isn't exactly working properly...too many things floating around. I can't seem to organize my thoughts properly.

URGH THE THOUGHT OF HAVING TO WAKE UP EARLY TOMORROW MAKES ME SO UPSET. What a contradiction to 1 and 2.

Flower, gleam and gloom.

2011-05-18T07:38:00.005-07:00

They look like hearts!

Sorry for the sudden change in picture sizes. I'm to lazy to change it. :P

I finally got down to really trying to understand aperture and shutter speed. I have been studiously reading online articles and watching videos on the basics of photography. Aperture has confused me since day one but it helps to think of it in terms of fractions. At least now I have a better understanding of it, though I'll always still stop to process... (my mind can never seem to handle numbers) "Bigger number, hole smaller, less light enter, deeper depth of field, more in focus..." Even so, I still don't think I've really gotten the hang of it...oh well.

This made me smile!

2011-05-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

Hehe! I love public holidays wooo!!!

Fml.

2011-05-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

Everyone reacts to anger differently. Some resort to violence, some curse and swear, some suppress it and wait for that red hot moment to pass while others take it in their stride.

For me, I try my best to suppress my anger...until I can take it no longer and then I...flare up, which isn't something to be proud of because I am at my ugliest when I'm angry.

As if my day couldn't get any worse... I had an extremely unpleasant experience with one of the staff at a certain fast food restaurant today. She was so rude and arrogant to me and I was totally caught off guard. At that point in time, I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind but seeing her attitude, I knew that it would be futile. Burning with rage, I marched up to the manager, pointed to the staff and spat out that her service was terrible. I could feel my face burning as I was complaining not because I was embarrassed, but because I was so mad.

On the manager's instruction, the staff came up and apologized in a very half-hearted manner. I told her that her attitude was very bad but she retorted by demanding "what did I do?" She soon became very rude again and I told her to "just go away."

She marched off in a huff.

I'm shocked at such service. What I'm more shock about is how unrepentant she was. I could take things further by not letting the matter rest, by kicking up a bigger fuss but my mother held me back and told me to "have mercy."

I'm pretty tame most of the time but when I'm angry, I really scare myself. I don't know why I keep meeting such people.. in J1, I met a man who told me off for standing at the wrong side of the escalator. I retorted back.

In J2, another man told me off for standing near the door and blocking his way in the bus. He even went further to insult my by saying that "TJC student...got the brains but don't have common sense." Or something along that line. I was boiling with rage but I kept my mouth shut cos I was in my uniform and representing the school, I didn't want an ugly scene to occur.

I wish I was like my father, someone who takes things in his stride. If all these were to happen to him, he'd definitely say "forgive", and then let the matter rest. He's definitely a Christian in action.

I think my fiery temper will be my downfall one day. If faced with such bad service, what would you do?

Oh well.

2011-05-15T20:55:00.001-07:00

A series of events took place today and it kinda made me really upset. It's true....studying is so much easier/better than working. But I'll just approach all these with an "oh well", mope around for awhile and then get over it.

Rhythm project

2011-05-12T06:14:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I was feeling kinda desperate cos I really didn't know what to teach the sec ones anymore. I had covered chinese music with them cos I was familiar with that topic as I studied it for A levels. After completing that topic, I didn't know what to proceed with when I suddenly remembered that in sec 1 (or 2, I can't remember), Mr Leung made us take on this project involving rhythm. He assigned us a famous painting each and we were to create a short performance with respect to the picture. It was something like...Stomp. (Plz don't tell me you don't know what that is!!) We were given percussive materials (on top of our own) and it was purely up to our creativity.

Just for you info, this picture was assigned to our group back in sec 1. It's called The Scream. I really remember this vividly because my group really screamed out loud during our performance. I remember having fun and enjoying that project so I gleefully decided to copy his idea and incorporate this into my lessons....

Unfortunately, maybe it's because my instructions weren't that clear, many students had a hard time coming up with a simple and catchy rhythm. Some of them just sat round looking absolutely clueless, not knowing where to start at all. I had to intervene and help them most of the time. So far, only one class managed to complete the entire project. With the currently ongoing exams, all lessons have stopped for the moment only to resume...next week I suppose? Much as some of the kids really piss me off/upset me, I can't help but miss them cos some of them are really adorable!

This video shows, in my opinion, the best group of a certain class. I hardly helped them and in fact, I think I neglected them a lot cos I was busy with the other groups plus I kept telling these boys off cos they were pretty noisy. I was pleasantly surprised when they performed and I have to say that they were rather creative and managed to come up with a nice rhythm. I mean, for 13 year old kids who have absolutely no musical knowledge with the exception of Justin Bieber...this is already considered not too bad. I wanted to tell them off for hitting the Kompang on the chair (I cannot stand the misuse of instruments it irritates me so bad) but...I'll close my eye this time. :P

Ok this is so embarrassing I wanted to remove my voice but I'm really to lazy so plz don't laugh cos I cringed at my own voice. :( By the way, the students said "MISS GOH!" at the end lol.

On a very random note, I felt like cracking up when I watched the video again because...the guy on the left looked like he was at a funeral LOL.

Really hoping to see more creative responses/ideas from the kids with my other classes.

2011-05-10T07:53:00.001-07:00

V v v v v determined to start exercising this time. I have been eating and eating without exercising and I'm starting to feel quite grossed out with myself. The only exercises I have been doing are exercises for my fingers hahahaha. (Yes you have to exercise your fingers in order to execute those tough moves on the piano!!)

Can't believe I'm telling you guys this but... I'm youtubing exercises to do at home without the need to purchase those weights. :O

Guess this is it.

2011-05-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

I pray that I have made the right decision.

The weather's still killing.

2011-05-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish that my life was more "happening."

(Haha this is quite funny. Just as I'm wishing that my life was more happening, I immediately had this conversation with Alastair lol!!)

Anyway, I've been thinking about my life and I think I lead a rather boring life. Without this current job that I'm taking, I think I'll just be wasting my life away. At least this job forces me to wake up at 8 in the morning (almost) everyday and do something productive. If not, I'd be waking up at 1 in the afternoon everyday, laze around in bed for another hour or so, drag myself out of bed, slump in front of the tv and channel surf (hoping for good shows which isn't very likely) and waste my life on Facebook/Tumblr, wait for time to pass by, get dinner, watch more tv and then sleep at 2-3 am.

And then the whole cycle repeats itself.

I don't club, I don't drink, I don't do things that most (I assume) teenagers do in this day and age. The latest I have stayed out is a pathetic 1am plus, which was back in J2 when we were rushing our composition portfolio. Even then, I was already kinda freaked out at the thought of walking home all the way from White Sands shopping centre alone. (No more buses at that time and I didn't wanna waste money on a cab). Thank God for Ernest who walked all the way home with me because he 不放心。The great thing was that he did it in a totally platonic way with no other intentions at all...such a good guy man.

(Oh and talking about drinking, I thought it'll be fun to try it out and it turned out to be horrible omg I hate the taste of alcohol gimme a soda anytime!!)

I used to...resent my parents for being so strict with me. No staying out past 10 pm was a rule that I really hated. The more they wanted to control me, the more I'd try to find ways to break those rules that they set. Unfortunately I didn't really have the guts to do it cos...I just couldn't bring myself to lie to them. Everytime I told a lie to my parents, I'll be plagued with this uneasy feeling. Of course that rule no longer holds lah... at least my parents know when to let go.

Yeah so to cut the long story short, I used to hate my life/envy people whose lives were more "happening". But I've grown to accept it and...hey my life isn't that bad after all! I'm v glad that I was brought up this way cos if not, I wouldn't be where I am today. Not that I'm in some high position with much to boast about lah but... I've achieved things in life that not many people have!

But honestly I hope that uni life will be more happening. I was so busy studying/worrying in JC that I didn't really join many events and stuff so I really hope that uni will be better! Oh and I think I'm gonna accept the NUS offer and reject NTU's one because...NTU is so freaking far!!! Still praying about it though... we'll see how it goes.

Random: I dislike my new fringe. I don't suit bangs. Oh well as Alastair said, "hair grows" lol!

Sorry very random again but I thought this was quite cute hehe!! Hoping desperately for some rain cos the weather is killing!!!

Till then, here's to a very happening saturday outing with MEP people yay!!

On a scorching hot day...

2011-05-05T23:33:00.000-07:00

Get a cup of ice cold honey red tea, plop down on the sofa, surf the net, turn the tv on and...enjoy life!! I'm so happy its Friday! Would really love to have a cool bath followed by a short nap but there's piano lesson in about an hour's time...

The weather's killing.

Like a celebrity

2011-05-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when I boarded the bus, I was greeted with an enthusiastic chorus of "Miss Goh!!!" As I walked to the back of the bus, one by one, students looked up with (I assume) eyes that lit up and acknowledged me.

I guess I didn't know how to deal with this sudden "fame"... so I just gave a quick smile/wave and hurriedly walked to a seat at the back.

Ok... so I think I experienced a part of the "joys of teaching." It can indeed be very rewarding and heartwarming when you see your students acknowledge you like that. :)

Trivial woes of a 19 year old

2011-05-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

So annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have already tried my best to wear longer skirts but in the eyes of some teachers, my skirt is still too short! I wore a dress today, confident that the length would be ok but a teacher told me that it was still too short and I feel quite insulted/upset because it makes me feel cheap when they comment on the length of my skirt. Furthermore, the dress wasn't short at all! I can't help it if my legs are long... hahahahaha. You might say that I should purchase longer skirts but no, it wouldn't be feasible cos:

1) I don't wanna waste money buying skirts that I wouldn't wear once I stop working.

2) In what way would I be a better teacher if I were to wear skirts that end below my knee? Sounds ridiculous and it is ridiculous!

3) I believe that one can look professional (and teacher like) even if the skirt is above the knee.

4) Certain teachers in TJ wore skirts that were above the knee too and looked fine. In fact, we respected their sense of fashion.

5) One can wear skirts above the knee without looking slutty or cheap.

Point is, I'm not trying to advocate short skirts. What I'm complaining about is that my skirt isn't THAT short, and yet I still get picked on. In fact, I believe it looks decent. What irks me is how conservative some people are.

Aiya as I'm typing this, I think the whole situation is very childish. Why am I getting upset just because someone commented on the length of my skirt? The thing is, I open my wardrobe every single day, stare at my clothes and get pissed thinking what to wear. I'm super paranoid now cos whenever I wear something, I'm extremely certain that its not appropriate cos its either too tight, too tapered or too short. Which means... I have absolutely nothing to wear cos every single skirt I own ends above my knee. :(

What should I do now?

I hate Tuesdays

2011-05-02T06:12:00.001-07:00

I hate Tuesdays I hate Tuesdays I hate Tuesdays... got some pretty horrible people to deal with on Tuesday + piano lesson with the two boys + maths tuition at night cos her exam is on Wednesday and there's still so many things to be covered... argh can't believe I'm feeling stressed for my student.

Lol, my brother suddenly told me that there was this "relationship bank account" thing going on at his school. I still don't really understand what the whole thing is about but basically, you have to write a "cheque" to a friend in appreciation of them. I was pleasantly surprised when my brother told me that one of his friend wrote a "cheque" for me. This is what he wrote...

LOL!!! I don't know what amuzing is but I suppose its a combination of amazing + amusing haha! Wow so my retarded pictures were of some use after all lol! As for the spiderman pic, I was highly tempted to put the picture on my blog but it was really too hideous + embarrassing... so I guess I'll leave it on Facebook instead. ^^

2011-05-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

SO TIRED BUT HAPPY COS I GOT TO MEET THE GIRLS!!!

The picture above was taken over a year ago. On a very random note, I miss how my hair used to look like and how long it used to be. Now its all dry and frizzy cos I permed it again. Wish I was blessed with healthy hair. I used to have super silky + straight hair when I was young but when I entered sec one, my hair suddenly went crazy and decided to become dry and naturally wavy (was it the hormones?!?!?!) and it got so hard to maintain that's why I rebonded it in sec 4. However, I looked disgusting with super straight hair cos it made me look so much younger, not to mention that I already look younger than my actual age.

I desperately need a haircut cos my hair looks like a bush now but I just can't seem to find the time to head to the aunty's house where I usually have my haircuts...

What a trivial blogpost on... hair. :O

On a Saturday night...

2011-04-30T22:40:00.000-07:00

Some pics from the USS trip...

My stomach has been hurting since evening and I'm getting quite worried. I can't take stomach pain I don't know why... I get all paranoid whenever I get tummy aches cos I start to worry whether its anything serious. I take panadol without fail every single month whenever I have my period cos I just cannot endure the pain. I remember how I woke up to a horrible cramp a few years back and literally crawled to the kitchen to make myself a cup of hot milo cos I needed something hot to sooth the pain. It was terrible... I spent the next half and hour squatting on the floor, rocking my body back and forth and waiting for the panadol to kick in cos I was in such pain. Sigh, the woes of being a woman HAHAHA.

I visited my father today and I feel so happy, knowing that he was happy to see us too. I showed him videos of the upcoming election on Youtube cos he has always been interested in politics. We were delighted when he could name us the various MPs and the constituency/party they belong to. Unfortunately, as much as I try to keep myself updated/informed of the election in Singapore, I fail miserably. These things just...bore me terribly! I'd rather watch American Idol. Yes I am trivial like that but that's me ha!

Can't help saying this again but I really feel very blessed! God has really been very merciful to me.

Too good to be true???

2011-04-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Today, when I reached school, something didn't feel quite right cos the school was especially quiet and there was this "public holiday" feel in the air. Every Friday, I'd bump into students on the bus (yes I am that lazy to even walk to school so kill me ha!) but today, not a single student was in sight. Initially, I assumed that I was earlier than usual and all the students were still probably at home snoozing their lives away. I headed to the staff room, printed worksheets, packed my bag, took the laptop with me and proceeded to the room where I always have my lessons.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw all the students in the classroom with their heads bent down, writing and thinking intently. I didn't hear the usual chatter of students or the usual drone of noise that I've been hearing for the past month.

That was when it suddenly struck me.

THE STUDENTS WERE HAVING THEIR EXAMS TODAY!!!

My initial shock at the sudden realization soon turned into glee. If they were having their exams, then doesn't it mean that... I don't have to freaking teach today?!?!?! Which means that... I'm gonna have 5.5 hours to kill in the staff room doing...nothing. Hahaha! What a great birthday present man... Unfortunately, my glee soon turned into embarrassment cos I felt like the biggest idiot in the world, lugging that laptop around with the charger still plugged into it. The teachers invigilating must have wondered what the heck I was doing hahahahhahaha. Whatever... I've had too many embarrassing moments in my life and this doesn't even make it to my top ten list of embarrassing moments.

Now, the question is... how to kill time??? I wanna do something meaningful however, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak hahaha. I'm so tempted to just Facebook/Tumblr the remaining hours away, which I believe is what I'm really gonna do. Oh well. I can treat it as my belated birthday present, right?

Forever 21 later... can't wait! Today is gonna be a great day! ^^

19

2011-04-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

Lol!

My birthday this year kinda sucked cos... I had to scold two classes today and after all that scolding, I got pretty drained. I stayed in the staff room and Facebook-ed/Tumblred and just wasted my time on the computer during free periods. Life in school is so boring... I need someone to go crazy with me!!! :( When I reached home, no one was home so it was kinda sad. No, in fact it was very sad. I was horribly tired so I went to sleep and only woke up at 8 plus. Lol my life quite sad. :(( What a lousy birthday. Oh well.

Update: Okay life isn't that sad hahahhaha my mother bought cakes + durian pancakes for me hehe.

Just my thoughts.

2011-04-27T01:13:00.001-07:00

Today I had a very unpleasant time with a certain class and I have decided not to blog about it. I've been here for like, one month already and I'm still feeling quite blur and lonely most of the time.

I always hold a really... simple view towards teaching in a school. I've always given my teachers all due respect (except those who don't deserve it lah). To me, teaching was only about entering a classroom, getting the students to like/respect you and delivering a good lesson. Ask me about teaching and I would immediately form a scene in my head, a scene involving a teacher surrounded by a few students who are having consultation. In my mind, the students were all a motivated bunch of people who strove to do well and enjoyed learning, just like me.

Who knew that the "like/respect" you part was the hardest to achieve? You scold, the students hate you. You treat them nicely, they climb all over your head and have no respect for you at all. How to strike that balance, then? Also, who knew that each class had their own "attitude" and that you have to treat each class differently?

My airy fairy and idealistic view towards teaching crashed really heavily when I started relief teaching. Many of the students were a fay cry from what I expected them to be. I guess I had imposed my character and attitude towards learning on them and thus reality came as a shock to me. Some students refused to do anything at all during lessons, choosing to sulk in one corner, as if the whole world owes them a living. Come on... 14 years old only and so much angst within them? Ridiculous.

Some students, on the other hand, chose not to participate in a very different way. They would talk nonsense, give stupid answers to my questions, make stupid sounds, throw things around and just keep fooling around with their friends. At times, I hear profanities spewed by some students and that really gets my goat. I'm not saying that I'm all perfect and stuff... I do use vulgarities too, but only when I'm extremely mad/pissed/upset/angry/agitated... but I know that this does not constitute as an excuse.

In JC, everyone was motivated/competitive and willing to learn. Missing a certain lecture resulted in a state of panic cos the pace in JC was so fast, one couldn't afford to miss out on anything. I got so used to this culture and attitude that I guess I expected all students to be like this. Unfortunately, things don't work the way I want them to. It saddens me every time I walk past a certain class during their maths lesson, having to see a group of boys sitting on the floor outside their classroom and yet showing no trace of remorse. The worst thing was finding out that they chose to stay outside cos they couldn't be bothered to learn. To be honest, I felt disgusted with them. What exactly are they gonna do with their lives? I truly hope that with time, these guys will mature and come to realize the importance of studying, as cliche as it sounds.

Of course, not everything is so gloomy lah. There are really nice students out there who will walk with me to the bus stop and chat with me along the way. A certain class even made a huge card for me, telling me that they were sorry for upsetting me and I was kinda touched.

I thank God for this wonderful experience cos the lessons that I have learnt so far, no amount of textbooks/lectures/consultations can every teach me. However, I am absolutely certain that I'll not head to NIE after uni.

I'll be turning 19 tomorrow and...I guess its gonna be one of those simple birthdays that I have been having for years (with the exception of last year). I don't think I'm even getting a cake this year haha... but I'm fine with it. ^^

I must be thankful. I should be.

2011-04-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

It has always been NUS for me.

Since young, I've seen myself entering NUS. I always feel myself gravitating towards it...I don't know why. Somehow, I saw myself making it there no matter what. In JC, all hopes of entering the U vanished cos of my consistent sucky results, problems adapting to the school, missing out 3 months worth of work and my father.

For A levels, I spotted topics. I think for Econs, I only studied 4 topics out of the 1000000 topics we needed to study?! I studied and crammed one huge chunk of music history just one week before the A level music exam, hoping not only for miracle, but for miracles. I blamed my pride too. I refused to sign up for tuition no matter what and only relented in J2, which was kinda late. (Btw if you're a J1 and you're reading this, seek help early! Sign up for tuition if you find yourself struggling!! Don't wait till J2 cos it'll be kinda late.)

Point is, my dream came true and it feels nice. The journey ahead is gonna be extremely tough and I believe its gonna be fraught with disappointments, setbacks and difficulties. I'm not smart so I guess I'll be struggling quite a bit in uni. In fact I think "a bit" would be an understatement. I foresee the whole A level saga repeating again...

People have asked why I want to head to uni. After all, its expensive and with out current financial situation, the money spent on uni in one year would really help us a lot. With my skill, I can just completely focus on music, get students and work on being a good music teacher. After all, its possible to earn a lot (and I mean a lot) just by teaching piano. Seems like a nice idea, huh? But the problem with me is that I always seek more. Life is too short and precious to settle for something...predictable. I enjoy learning and I enjoy acquiring new knowledge, and this is the reason why I wanna pursue my studies. I cherish every opportunity to learn and I try my best to translate this attitude into my studies. However, when the obsession with doing well sets in, it kills the joy of learning and its quite sad.

Ahh...19 years old in 2 days. Time is moving too fast. How I wish time could stop right now...ok maybe not now cos if it stops now, then I'm stuck with the sec ones and twos forever who aren't exactly the best people to be stuck with, unfortunately.

Should I?

2011-04-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously contemplating on getting an iphone for myself. I seldom splurge but now that I'm working and earning a decent sum of money every month (decent to me lah I'm easily satisfied haha), I am really thinking of buying one for myself. It's gonna be a present to myself for my birthday. Should I? Also, which mobile plan should I use? M1 seems pretty attractive but I'm still confused with all the different plans available...and there's no one in my family who can help me with such things so I need some help here!!

PIssed

2011-04-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

Today morning I woke up with a really painful throat and I felt extremely weak. I used to be stronger than this... I've ever stayed up the whole night studying and still didn't feel this tired but now, all it took was one camp and I'm feeling so worn out. Urgh guess I must start exercising already. -_-

I was contemplating on whether I should head to school today and was extremely tempted to take mc but...it felt wrong cos I was shirking my responsibility...so I dragged myself out of bed. When I was teaching the first class I felt okay but when it came to the second class, I was feeling so drained and tired I nearly fell asleep when I was talking to some of them. My throat hurt quite badly and I nearly puked trying to shout and make myself heard amidst all that noise.

So I ended up scolding all of them and the class was completely silent. I guess I could feel an air of resentment among some of them and that made me even angrier. It's so ironic....cos I feel I can get along better with the students in the Normal stream compared to those in Express. Some of the students in the Normal/Normal Tech stream are really horrendous...but they have a nice heart and after class, knowing that they have made me quite upset, they will usually come up to me and apologize.

This is an eye opener. I admit I used to be quite...judgemental towards people from the Normal/Normal Tech stream (call me elitist whatever) but I've learnt that actually, they are really nice people (not all lah but most) and some of them really make my day. They might not be that academically inclined but they possess a good character and seem to be more humble, unlike some people from the Express stream who think they know it all and carry this air of arrogance around them. I'm glad for this lesson man...

This is quite sad..I hate scolding classes cos it gets pretty awkward the next time I see them and you can really feel this...barrier between you and the class. Saddening. Oh well even though I'm feeling super grumpy and grouchy now, I'm gonna go down to the canteen, get myself some nice food and pretty soon, I'll be okay already. ;)

Gospel camp 2011

2011-04-23T23:36:00.002-07:00

I guess I made the right decision in attending camp this year. I wouldn't say that I enjoyed every single minute of it it but I did make some really good friends and I have really learnt a lot. Thank God. I'm glad that I plucked up my courage to attend the camp instead of hanging on to the fact that I hardly know anyone. Things turned out pretty good...the people I thought I'd never be able to talk to turned out to be really nice. I loved the company, especially the last night where we were rolling on the bed and howling with laughter. I love such moments cos you really feel this bond with all your friends... a pity I won't get to see some of them for quite a while. Overall, I left this camp with good and happy memories (albeit some things that I got upset over which is very trivial actually hahaha).

Lol we exchanged expression and it wasn't planned at all!

I'm extremely tired and I really wish that tomorrow's a holiday cos I really do not feel like going back to school to teach... :(

2011-04-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

I really didn't expect to get into NUS. Really. I feel so...thankful for everything.